


comfort place

by blushymess



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Bang Chan is Whipped, Canon Compliant, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Reader, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Insomniac Bang Chan, Light Angst, POV First Person, Slow Burn, Soft Bang Chan, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, im sad thats a tag, literally the softest fic ive ever written
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushymess/pseuds/blushymess
Summary: Scared and desperate, a girl rushes up to a group of boys with a camera crew in hopes to ward off a stalker. Chan takes it upon himself to make sure she's okay.𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦. ෆ↳ 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Original Female Character(s), Bang Chan/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 85





	1. safe

**Author's Note:**

> hi lol so this is the first fic ive ever posted on ao3 even tho ive been on this site for years but yknow hi! uhh so ive originally posted this story on wattpad but its not doing so well so ive decided to see how it'll go here. 
> 
> pls note that i have absolutely NO idea how well they speak japanese. i've heard that chris is fluent in japanese butttt im just not sure??? so uhh they _can _sort of, kind of speak/understand japanese but they prefer to speak english.__
> 
> _  
> _anyways, enjoy the first chapter! the first three have already been posted on wattpad, so u can look my name up there or the title <3__  
> 

It's been thirty minutes since I waved goodbye to my cousin and left her house. Thirty minutes of walking down constant dark streets and taking unnecessary turns.

The man behind me has been following me for thirty minutes.

I'm terrified, as what I assume everyone would be in this kind of situation. I knew I should have taken Nao's offer on letting her drive me to the train station. After noticing that there was a strange man following me, I took so many turns that I have no idea where I am now.

The blurry image of a map presented on the screen on my phone doesn't really help. There are tears forming in my eyes, causing my phone to seem nothing but a blurry light as it sits in my shaking hands.

I should call somebody, but there's absolutely no one to call. It's half past nine in the evening and Nao would probably be asleep by now as she's got a job interview the next morning.

To top it all off, the rest of my friends and family are on a two hour bullet train trip away from here. Tokyo is such a big place and all I want to do is return back into my nice, warm apartment back in Osaka.

I hear the man breathing heavily behind me, his steely gaze piercing right into my back. I try my hardest to suppress a shiver and I try not to make it obvious whenever I wipe a tear from my face.

It's empty. Why is this part of Tokyo so empty? All I see are drunkards wandering the streets and people rushing home so quickly that I can't get a hold of them to help me.

That's when I turn a random corner and I nearly heave a big sigh of relief at the sight. Just down the street, under the dim light of all the street lamps, I see a group of people. I don't really think about it, all I know is that these people can probably help me and I instantly jump at the opportunity to get away from the man behind me.

I rush over, my heartbeat in my ears as I approach the first person I see. I notice absentmindedly that they are all wearing masks, so I don't really see their faces, but I don't really care about that.

All I want is to be safe, safe, safe.

Before I could latch onto the man and try my best to subtly let him know I'm in danger, I'm stopped by two other men. They put an arm between me and the man I was going to approach, glaring at me and telling me off.

My heart freezes because the syllables and words falling from their lips sound unfamiliar and different. They're not speaking a language I understand — they're speaking Korean. I nearly freak out at the thought.

I instantly sink into myself as they wave me off, and even with the language barrier, I can still tell that they are telling me to walk away.

I feel the stalker distantly staring into my back, and that's when I start to get desperate. I finally begin to process the scene in front of me, realising that there is a filming camera and a few people on their phones with books and tablets.

I notice that there are about thirteen people present. A man with a camera, two women with bags and two other men — the men who stopped me from approaching another man. The camera seems to be filming the eight other men in front of them, and I then notice that I have seemed to gain their attention.

I must have stumbled into an important film session of some kind, but I don't really care. I need to get away. I want them to help me.

"Please help me," I tell them in my second language. When they don't respond, my heart sinks. Despite that they don't understand Japanese, I'm at least a little relieved when they seem to notice the fear in my tone.

I try not to make it obvious to my stalker that I'm asking for help. I don't want him to approach me whatsoever.

By now, I think I have the whole group's attention. I notice the men who are being filmed are subtly looking over, but they're still interacting with the camera and to each other. It kind of looks like they are live streaming.

When the two men who stopped me give me looks of confusion, I try in English, "I need your help." I'm shaking even more now, my hands coming together as a plea, "Please help me."

Upon living in Japan for nearly a year now, it's not often that I speak in my native tongue. I just really hope that at least some of them understand English so I can let them know that I'm being stalked.

The word 'help' must have been something they all understood, and the two men share a look before giving me concerned glances. They open their mouths, struggling to form sentences in English, and I really wish I was anywhere else but here right now.

But then I look over their shoulders. A man apart of the group that's being filmed begins to walk over. He's young, I notice, unlike the two men I've been trying to communicate to. Actually, I realise that the men who are being filmed are all quite young, while the men and the women surrounding them seemed to be middle aged.

When the younger man approaches, I nearly cry in relief when he asks me in English, "What's happening? Are you okay?" Before I can respond, he turns to the older men and speaks to them in Korean. They respond back, and then he nods and looks at me again.

This is when I burst. "I'm sorry," I absentmindedly realise that I'm whispering, voice full of fear and desperation. "I need your help. I'm—" A sob catches in my throat.

I can't really see the man before me, he's wearing a black mask and big black hoodie, but I would be stupid not to notice how pretty his eyes are.

The warmness in them eases some of the tension in my shoulders, but my heart still continues to beat loudly in my ears, fear swirling in my own eyes.

"Woah, it's okay." He places a hand on my shoulder, and the gesture makes me relax a bit more. "Here, breathe. Tell me what's wrong."

I do as he says, breathing in deeply, and squeezing my eyes shut. I pause, taking a moment to collect myself, before I meet his eyes again and whisper, "I'm... I'm being stalked. Please help me."

I watch as his head snaps up, an alarmed look crossing his features as he casts his gaze behind me. From the way his eyes narrow over my shoulder and the way he instantly steps between me and the man, I figure he's realised my situation.

That's when my heart catches in my throat, but not from fear like it's been doing so for the last few moments, but from surprise as the man wraps an arm across my shoulders and pulls me against his side, rubbing a comforting hand up and down my arm.

I should be running. I should be pushing him away. But from the way he squeezes me and protectively keeps me close to him, I can't help but immediately relax in his comforting embrace, breathing softly as I try to stop the racing of my heart.

He's talking to the other people in Korean now, and I assume he's letting them know about the situation. The older men look bewildered and startled when the man with the pretty eyes had suddenly pulled me close to him, but upon hearing him offer an explanation, their own eyes peer behind us and they nod in acknowledgement.

The man looks down at me, and even behind the mask I can see that he's smiling. "You're safe now. Don't be scared anymore. We got you."

I nod, feeling a bit more eased. I return his smile with a grateful one of my own. "Thank you so much," I tell him. "I'm sorry if I was disrupting something."

I glance up over toward the film session to see that the other seven men are back to what they were doing, interacting with the camera and making jokes.

"Oh, no," The man quickly says, shaking his head. "You were in danger, so don't worry about that. It's a good thing we were here for you to ask for help."

I nod again, briefly taking note of the accent behind the man's English. Actually, I start to realise that he seems to be very familiar to me, but I can't seem to put a finger on where I've seen him before.

I then watch as he casts me another grin, and then his gaze flickers back behind me. I refuse to look, but upon the way his eyes narrow and linger, I instantly understand what he's doing.

He's glaring at my stalker, sizing him up and letting him know not to come close. I nearly melt at the gesture because that's absolutely unnecessary and I'm sure the stalker would have just walked away anyway upon realising that I'm not going to be alone any time soon for him to continue to stalk me, but this man here had the effort to actually subtly tell the creep to back off and to glare darkly at him.

It maybe made me blush just a bit.

After a few seconds, his eyes follow something and then they linger for a moment more until he suddenly catches my gaze again with a grin, as if he wasn't just glaring harshly just a second before.

"He's gone now," he tells me, and then my heart jumps to my throat. I quickly will myself to actually look behind me, turning around and—

Empty. The street is empty.

I nearly cry, my hands coming up to my mouth as I let out a small sob. Relief just washes over me, and my shoulders slump, all the fear that's been picking at my skin for nearly an hour disappears in an instant.

The man lets me go, and I bite my lip, fighting off the urge to cry. I don't, even though the tears that's been slipping from my eyes for a while now are still fresh on my cheeks.

"Are you okay?"

I look back at the man who was kind enough to wrap an arm around me and make me feel safe, and I nod sharply, sighing. "Thank you," I tell him earnestly. "Thank you, really."

He's grinning again. "You don't need to thank me. That must have been really scary, huh?" When all I do is nod, he doesn't seem bothered by it. He pauses, and then asks, "How long has he been following you for?"

I wince at the thought. "Nearly an hour."

"An hour?" He looks horrified now, surprise colouring his features. "For that long? He must have really been stalking you then. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I shrug, rubbing my arms a little. "It's my fault for thinking I should walk alone at night."

"It is pretty late," He says. "Do you have somewhere to be?"

"The train station," I reply.

He turns to the others who are with him, who's been watching us the entire time, and speaks to them briefly. At something they said, he looks surprised, and he looks at me once again.

"Apparently the closest train station is not even close to where we are. You were going to walk to the train station?"

"I was trying to evade the man stalking me," I mumble weakly, offering a lame shrug. "I got lost."

The man nods. "That's okay. Do you have somewhere to be? We can drop you off there."

"I was heading home. I live in Osaka." I look a bit embarrassed as I say, "It's a two hour and thirty minute train ride."

"What?" His jaw drops. I seem to be shocking him quite a lot. "You'll be there by midnight. Do you live at least close to the train station when you get there?"

"No. I was going to catch an Uber or something," I quickly tell him and from the way his face pales, I know he doesn't agree with my travel plan whatsoever.

He purses his lips in thought, then he holds up a finger. "Wait just a second," He says and then turns back to what I assume are his colleagues and begins to speak with them in Korean once more.

I stand there, feeling a bit out of place. I can't help but look behind me again because I can't shake off the feeling of someone staring at me from behind. I sigh shakily, turning back around.

While the man talks to the older men and women, my gaze travels over toward the younger men being filmed. They're laughing, hitting each other and enjoying themselves, talking to the camera and waving. I can't really see their faces because of the masks, but even then I can still tell they're grinning.

Despite the joyful attitude and happiness they are giving off, I can still see the subtle looks of concern and curiosity that they are throwing my way, and I feel a little bashful that they are worried over a random stranger such as myself.

When I manage to catch a few of their eyes, I smile and wave at them, giving them a thumbs up. A giggle leaves my lips when they grin back before they turn back to the camera, deciding that I am okay.

They seem very nice.

"OK," The man with pretty eyes nods, and then swirls around to face me again, a grin back on his face. "Before I say anything, I'm Chan."

"Oh." I'm a bit taken aback as I didn't even consider introducing myself before. I quickly tell him my name and he nods, taking my hand and shaking it.

"Nice to meet you!" He tells me happily, trying my name on his tongue, and I can't help the way my smile widens. "Okay, to tell you the truth, my managers and I don't think it's safe for you to go home this late at night."

I purse my lips. I want to tell him that I can handle it and that I can take care of myself, but thinking back to the stalker, I know that what he's saying is correct. It's not safe.

"So," He goes on, clasping his hands together. "We think it's a good idea for you to come back to our hotel with us. Just for tonight, and then we can drop you off at the train station in the morning."

I'm startled at the sudden offer, shock exploding across my features. My heart's been beating at a fast pace for the whole night, but right now, the speed of my heartbeat is fast for a whole different reason.

I start to get a little bashful and uneasy. "Stay with you? At a hotel?"

"With us," Chan quickly corrects, and I can see the tips of his ears go a little red. "With us. You'll have your own room, of course. It's just that we think it's safest for you this way."

I feel like shrinking inside my hoodie, extremely embarrassed. "I don't know. I don't want to be a bother."

"You won't be. Don't worry. We can easily get you back home. It's just a place for you to stay the night," Chan tells me. He seemed so confident about the offer before, but now he seems a bit sheepish.

I think over my options. Option one is that I could get my own room at a motel or something, but even then I have no money with me at the moment. Option two is that I could go back to Nao's place, but I know she's probably asleep right now and I don't want to disturb her.

Option three is to go to a hotel with Chan, a nice and handsome stranger, and stay with him and these other strangers that don't even understand my language.

I wonder why this situation had to happen to me.

"If you're not comfortable with that, I completely understand," Chan rushes in once again when I continue to stay silent for too long with a pinch in between my eyebrows. I lift my head, and now I can see the redness of his ears. "We just don't want anything dangerous to happen, that's all. It's already almost happened, and we don't want that."

I notice that he seems to be very prominent with the word 'we' as he speaks, and I try to fight off the warmness slowly reaching my cheeks.

"I get it," I tell him, pausing for a moment. "As long as I'm not disturbing anything or causing any problems, then I'll be okay with it."

"Great!" Chan says with a smile. "You won't be causing any problems, it's fine. You'll have your own room, well... At least I think so." Before he can continue, Chan quickly turns to his managers and asks them a question.

They talk for a moment more, and I watch curiously when a young woman suddenly joins the conversation. She's younger than all the other staff, but maybe a bit older than Chan and the others, and she's the one holding a makeup kit. She looks to be in her late twenties.

After sharing a few words with Chan and the other men, she turns to me with a smile. "Hi! Do you speak Japanese?"

I'm taken aback by the sudden change in language, and upon hearing the familiar vowels and consonants, I smile brightly.

"Yes, I do! I thought no one here could understand Japanese."

"Oh, I do! I'm Mayu. I'm kind of like their interpreter and translator for this trip."

I nod, but I scrunch my nose a little. I want to ask why she didn't come up to me when I first approached speaking Japanese, but I assume that she probably didn't hear me. It would have been a bit more helpful if she heard me, but the situation is over now, and there's no point in dwelling on it.

I also ponder about what she last said, the idea of her being a translator for 'them' sitting weirdly on my tongue. It's as if she works for them as a translator, which means they're obviously not a group of friends or family. I wonder who they are if they need a translator when travelling countries.

Then it hits me — they speak Korean. I blink a little when I realise that the group of boys being filmed have a high chance of being idols.

Mayu speaks before I can think any longer. "We didn't book enough rooms for you to have your own, so you'll be staying with me and Yeri if that's fine with you," She explains, gesturing to the other woman who smiles and bows her head a little. I do the same.

Mayu turns back to me. "She doesn't really understand Japanese, so if you need anything, just ask me and I'll be able to help you."

"Thank you so much," I quickly say, taking her hands and flashing a smile, which Mayu returns with one of her own.

"It's really okay! I think the boys are finishing up their live now and then we'll be able to go."

I nod, and turn toward the boys. Chan is back with them now, having returned during my conversation with Mayu, and they're all interacting with the camera.

As they talk, I purse my lips and think for a moment, before leaning in toward Mayu and asking, "Are they Korean idols?"

"Oh, yes," Mayu responds. "Have you heard of Stray Kids?"

Upon hearing the name, I finally recognise where I've seen them from and I clasp my hands together. "Oh! Yes, I have! I've seen them on my social media feed quite a lot recently."

I look back toward the boys, watching them laugh and enjoy themselves, and I can't help how my heart bursts in my chest. Stray Kids! I can't believe I ran away from a stalker and happen to come across them. I start to feel a bit excited after realising who they are.

After all, I've known them for a while. I've seen a few of their performances and listened to their songs, so of course I'll be excited to see them in person. They are right there!

Wow, how lucky am I?

Mayu turns and gives me a thoughtful look, and I can't help but be feel little bit intimidated under her gaze. She seems to notice my uneasiness because she quickly smiles.

"Sorry, it's just that you're handling this surprisingly well. Most people would be screaming and asking for selfies by now."

I giggle a bit, shaking my head. "I mean, I would love a selfie or two from them, but they seem to be busy right now. They are very handsome though."

"Right?" Mayu laughs a little and I laugh along with her. "I would totally be falling for them if I didn't have a husband already."

"You have a husband? You seem so young!"

"I'm thirty-one," She responds, grinning in amusement at my reaction. "I don't think I'll be hired if I didn't have a husband actually. They kind of don't want idols getting together with staff."

"Ah," I say, nodding. "That seems fair."

Mayu is smirking now. "Why? I saw you talking with Chan earlier. Did he tug on your heart strings?"

I can't stop myself from flushing red and I quickly reach up to cover my face. "No! Don't tease me!"

Mayu throws her head back and laughs, then reaches over to place a hand on my shoulder. "I'm only kidding! Actually, we're quite happy that you're not reacting over dramatically. If a big scene were to play out during a V-live, there would be a lot of rumours going around online."

"I thought so, that's why I didn't want to say anything," I tell her, offering a bashful smile. "But this is pretty exciting. I can't believe it!" Then my face goes red, and I can't stop myself from fiddling with my hair and leaning in to whisper, "Chan hugged me too."

Mayu lets out a small squeal at this, clasping a hand over her mouth. "I saw that! Aw, it was so cute. It was really nice of him to do that too! Being stalked must have been scary."

I shiver a bit, hugging myself. "It was, and Chan really helped me out. I'm glad he speaks English. I knew he sounded familiar with his accent and all."

"He is a big sweetie," Mayu giggles. "I didn't expect him to hug you though! Chan just doesn't hug anyone, unless he thinks they're cute."

"Oh goodness, don't say that. You're making me red," I have my hands over my face now, blushing and Mayu only continues to squeal quietly.

When I glance up, I notice that the boys are wrapping up and waving goodbye to their viewers, and my heart rate absolutely picks up. If they're finished, that means they'll approach me. That means they'll talk to me! All of them! Stray Kids!

I don't think I'll be able to handle that.

But when I continue to watch them and as the camera goes off, I freeze when they all begin to slowly turn toward me, my breath hitching in my throat. Chan is talking to them, probably letting them know what happened and who I am, and when I meet his eyes and he flashes me a handsome grin, I die.

Him and Stray Kids begin to approach me, and all I'm doing is standing there like an idiot and screaming internally.

Oh god, what do I do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna hear what u guys think so pls leave a comment and ill luv u 4ever <3
> 
> remember that the next two chapters have already been posted on wattpad!!


	2. hot syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yayyy chapter 2!

Before any of us could say a word, their manager steps forward and begins to explain the situation. I don't understand what he's exactly saying, but from the authoritative tone of his voice, I assume he's being strict and professional about the whole thing.

The boys all nod in understanding, all of their eyes flitting between me and their manager. I feel like shrinking into my hoodie at their attention, goosebumps arising onto my skin as they start to greet me.

I bow back when they do, and then we start to walk down the street.

I walk beside Mayu, my sleeves pulled over my hands as I play with the string of my backpack. It's a few moments into walking down the street and quiet chatter when I feel someone start to walk on my right.

I glance up, my nervousness ceasing to settle, and my heart beats loudly in my ears as I watch Jeongin flash me a shy smile. I nearly melt, a small smile forming onto my own lips as I notice the way he wrinkles his nose in thought, seemingly thinking of the English translation of what he wants to say to me.

It's so cute.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks me, my name following soon after, and the way he struggles to keep eye contact and how he fiddles with his shirt is so adorable, I can't help but giggle.

I nod. "I'm fine, thank you, Jeongin."

He seems surprise, and the others who were trying to subtly (and failing completely) listen in to our conversation also seem surprised.

Chan leans over to look at me over Jeongin, eyebrows raised as he calls my name. "You know us?" He asks me, and I nod again.

"You seemed so familiar but I didn't recognise you until Mayu told me," I explain to him, feeling a bit sheepish. "Sorry I didn't notice before."

"That's okay," Chan tells me. "It's dark and we're wearing face masks, so I didn't expect you to know us."

"Well, of course I would know you," I say, and I fiddle with the red ribbon in my hair to find something to do with my hands while I shrug. "I've seen you guys perform. You're all so talented."

A smile curls on my lips when Chan's ears flush, and the others who also seem to understand a bit of what I said also look a bit bashful, but otherwise, honoured.

"Thank you," Chan says.

I only reply with a grin, and when I return my attention to Jeongin, he's looking at me in perplexity.

I blink. "Is something wrong, Jeongin?"

His eyebrows pinch together. He doesn't seem to know how to phrase his thoughts into English, so he turns to Chan.

"Oh," Chan says. "Jeongin is wondering why you didn't use honourifics on him from before."

I can't help my smile. "I'm older than you, Jeongin. I'm 2000s."

"Oh, you're our age!"

That's Felix, I realise, when I turn to my left. He's standing with Hyungin and Seungmin and they all cast me big smiles and I giggle a bit.

"Yeah, I am. And I'm not entirely sure how Korean honourifics work, so that's why I didn't use it before."

"You don't have to," Felix helpfully supplies. "Unless you want to refer Chan-hyung as _oppa_?"

The word is unfamiliar to me, and from the way Chan laughs shyly and shakes his head makes me assume it would be a little bit embarrassing for me to call Chan that.

We finally arrive at the hotel, and we manage to make it to our floor. I'm not surprised when Mayu tells me that we have a whole floor to ourselves considering a lot of rooms need to be acquired to cover all of the boys and the staff as well.

The managers part me away from the group and lead me to the end of the hall to the room I'm staying in, and I thank them deeply as Mayu and Yeri lead me inside.

I watch as the two neatly slip off their shoes and place their items onto the bed closest to the door, assuring me that they will share a bed and that I can take the one by the window.

I nod and place my backpack onto the bed and pull my hoodie over my head, yanking out the ribbon in my hair.

It's been a long and tiring night, and when I check the time on the digital clock on the stand, it reads 11:08.

We are all about to get ready to wash up for bed when there's a sudden knock on the door, and Mayu and Yeri share a look of confusion before Yeri makes her way over. From my position on my bed, I can't exactly see who's at the door, but from the voices that start to stream into the room, I immediately know who it is.

Yeri walks back inside and exchanges a few words with Mayu as I watch Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin trail in from behind her.

I notice the bag in Jisung's hands as they greet Mayu, in which she arches a brow and crosses her arms.

The language barrier is starting to get a bit annoying, but even then I can still tell that she's scolding them.

But the boys only continue to grin, and as Hyunjin continues the conversation with Mayu and Yeri, Felix and Jisung make their way over to me.

Jisung greets me, singing my name and I can't help but laugh a little. "Did you eat?"

"It's an hour till midnight," I laugh. "I ate hours ago."

"That means you're hungry, right?" Jisung asks me, and then he sticks his hand into the plastic bag to pull out packets of sweets and chips. "Would you like one?"

"Thank you, Jisung, but I'm about to go to sleep," I try to tell him.

"You can have them for later," Felix suggests and Jisung plops the packets onto my bed.

I give them a curious look. "Are you guys meant to be in here?"

"No. Chan-hyung told us to leave you alone, but we came in here anyway," Felix says and I grin widely.

"Won't he get mad?"

"He won't find out." Felix shrugs. There's a smirk on his lips.

I laugh behind my hand. "Thank you guys. I really appreciate it."

Felix and Jisung nod.

"We just thought you need something to make you happy," Jisung tells me, stumbling a bit with his words, and I blush.

They obviously know about me being stalked, and the fact that they are bringing me sweets this late at night just to make me feel better is the cutest thing ever.

"Thank you," I say earnestly and Jisung gives me a thumbs up.

Yeri calls the two over, arms folded as she begins to urge them out of the room. Jisung pouts a bit and so does Hyunjin, and I can't help but laugh again as they start to head toward the door.

Jisung and Hyunjin wave goodbye from across the room, and I wave back as Felix gives me one last handsome smile before following them out and slipping out the door.

"They must really like you," Mayu tells me, giggling and I flush deeply.

—

I wake up to a string of text messages.

First, it's Kevin, worriedly asking me why I didn't make it home last night and if I'm okay.

Next, it's Nao, screaming at me to read her texts and asking why Kevin is threatening to murder her for not taking me home last night.

Ryuu also sends me a few messages, but I decide to answer him later.

I lovingly roll my eyes at my family's antics and decide to call Kevin first. Yeri and Mayu are still asleep, so when I pull myself out of bed, I attempt to brush my hair with my fingers and straighten out my pajamas before stepping out into the hallway.

Kevin picks up on the first ring.

A string of curse words follow.

"You are going to give me a heart attack! Where are you? Are you okay? Did you get kidnapped? Give me one reason why I shouldn't go up to Nao and kill her right now."

"I'm fine, Kev!" I laugh, shaking my head. "Don't murder Nao. I managed to," I pause, "Find a hotel. I couldn't make it to the train station last night."

"Why? Didn't Nao drop you off?"

I wince a bit. "No, but please don't get mad at Nao for that. I told her I'd be fine to walk there."

"Walk to the train station? At night?" Kevin scoffs. "I know that you're an idiot but I didn't know that you are an idiot."

"Wow. Thanks."

"That was dumb of you. Don't do that next time."

"Yeah, yeah, bro. I know. I'll be home later today, okay?"

"Okay. You better be or I'm kicking Nao's ass."

"Got it. Love you."

"I don't. Bye."

I hang up, sighing, before ringing Nao.

The same phone conversation basically occurs; a series of screaming and asking if I'm okay and I assure her that I'm fine.

I don't tell her about Stray Kids, and I didn't tell my brother either. I don't think it's wise of me to be spreading that information, and even though I trust my family with my life, I don't want to risk getting sued or something like that.

I don't think they'd appreciate me going around telling everyone I'm basically sharing the same rooms as them, and I'm sure that won't be a good image for them either.

A big mess will arise from this, and I don't want that.

When I hang up on Nao, I rake a hand through my hair and turn to enter back into my room, but I'm stopped when I see Felix down the hall.

It looks like he's just exited his own room, and he looks really tired, with his hair all over the place and his shirt exposing his left collar bone a bit too much.

He seems to have noticed me the same time I noticed him, and he brightens before jogging his way over.

He greets me with a smile and a call of my name. "Hey, did you sleep well?"

"Hi, Felix. And I did, thanks. You?"

"Sure did," He says, and then he yawns. "Maybe a bit too well."

I smile in amusement. "Do you have a lot of things planned today?"

"Yeah, we're still filming," Felix tells me, rubbing at his shoulder.

"A blog in Japan?"

"Yep. We're just traveling around and promoting our new comeback."

"Sounds fun," I say and he breathes out a laugh.

"Yeah, but also tiring. The food is really great here though."

I wasn't able to bite my tongue down in time before I'm saying, "There's this really nice cafe nearby that has the best pancakes in Tokyo."

I instantly shut my mouth, cursing a bit in my head because who am I kidding? Did I really just hint at inviting Felix out for breakfast? The colour rises up to my cheeks before I can do anything, and I only blush a bit harder when Felix barks out a laugh.

"I'm sure it does. Maybe I can talk to my managers and we can all go down there for breakfast?"

I'm thrown off guard, my eyes going wide. "Wait, really? I don't want to be any more of a bother than I already am."

"You're not a bother," Felix assures me with a wave of his hand. "We were all going to go out for breakfast anyway. We might as well invite you."

"Are you sure that will be okay?"

"I'm sure I can try something. If not, I'll get Chan-hyung to persuade them." Felix grins.

"You'll get me to do what?"

Felix and I both jump, surprised at the sudden new voice and we turn to see Chan smiling a bit too cheerfully in the morning.

"Morning," He greets us, and he throws an arm around Felix, arching a brow. "You guys are up rather early. Having a friendly chat outside of her room now, Felix?"

"I was outside already," I rush in to say when Felix's mouth goes agape, confused and a bit taken by surprise. "He just saw me."

Chan hums, nodding. "And what was I going to do again?"

This time it's Felix's turn to explain when I don't make a move to answer, and he turns to Chan with a small smile. "We're thinking of going out for breakfast."

Chan frowns a bit. "We have a busy schedule."

"Didn't we agree that we were going out for breakfast today?" Felix asks, a bit confused.

"Yeah, a quick breakfast. We can't afford to waste time having breakfast when we could be filming."

Ouch. The words sting and Chan seems to have realised what he said when he notices the way my face drops considerably.

"Oh, that's not what I meant," He quickly says, removing his arm from around Felix and turning toward me, my name apologetically falling from his lips. "We just," He pauses, seemingly at a loss of what to say.

"It's fine, really. I get it." And I really do. They are idols. They don't have time to be going around eating food with someone as irrelevant to them as me. I totally understand that they have a busy schedule and that they can't afford to waste time, but maybe the selfish part of me wants to spend a bit more time with Stray Kids.

But the selfish part of me that wants to become closer to them than anyone else can't help but feel a bit hurt from Chan's words.

Chan says my name again, struggling to find something to say. "That's really not what I meant. You're not a bother at all and you're not a waste of time."

"I know," I tell him assuringly, but the way Chan continues to frown gives off the impression that maybe my expression doesn't match with my tone of voice. "You were talking about breakfast. As long as you eat, then I am fine with that. And don't worry about dropping me off at the station, I can just catch an Uber there."

"No." Chan's firm tone surprises me. "We're dropping you off at the station. And you're having breakfast with us."

I blanch slightly. "But, you just said—"

"Forget what I said. We're treating you for... What are we having?"

"Pancakes," Felix supplies helpfully.

"Pancakes," Chan confirms. "Meet us in the hallway in fifteen minutes." He nods once and throws his arm over Felix once again before dragging him back into their hotel room, Felix yelping the whole time as he stumbles over his feet.

When the door down the hallway slams shut behind them, I stand there, dumbfounded as I try to process what had just happened.

I hear the door behind me creak, and when I look over my shoulder, I see the faces of Mayu and Yeri peaking out from between the crack of the door.

"The only words we understood were breakfast and pancakes, and we want in," Mayu tells me with a glint in her eye, and I can't help my laugh as they drag me back inside our room.

—

When Mayu, Yeri, and I step out into the hallway and out of our hotel room, we notice Chan having a chat with his managers. They don't look too impressed with what he's saying, but he's waving his hands about and smiling a bit guiltily.

The next thing I notice is Seungmin and Minho who are also holding a conversation, and when the door behind us clicks shut, their eyes cast their way over to us, and they both light up.

We make our way over and the two men bow to Mayu and Yeri as a greeting and they both happily greet them back. Seungmin then turns to me, saying my name brightly.

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" He asks me with a crinkle-eyed smile, and I mirror it.

"Yes, I did, thank you! How about you two?"

Seungmin and Minho share a look, nodding, and the English speaker out of the two lets me know that they both slept great.

After a moment more of standing there, watching in fascination as Minho and Yeri share a conversation in their native language, the rest of the doors start to open and everyone else begins to file out of their rooms.

A chorus of greetings arises, and I give the boys a happy wave when they notice me and call my name. Before any of us could say any more, the managers seem to round everyone up, and I follow the others over as we shuffle into a big group.

It's not at all surprising to me when they begin to speak and I don't understand them, but I politely stay silent and watch as everyone nods and a few of the boys happily cry out in joy at something their manager had said.

When I only continue to look confused, Mayu leans over and supplies me that we are going out for a quick breakfast with me and my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Really? There's really no need. I can just go home now." I realise that I've accidentally spoken in English, and Mayu only gives me a perplexed look. Luckily, Seungmin pipes in.

"You need to eat," He says from my left and I turn to see Hyunjin nodding from beside him. "You can eat with us!"

I purse my lips a bit, and nod slowly, then turn to Mayu once again. "Are you sure that's okay?" I ask her in Japanese so that she can understand and she nods.

She hooks an arm around my own arm and smiles brightly. "Their manager says it's fine, so it's fine! Don't worry about it and come have breakfast with us."

"As long as I'm not being a bother," I mumble and Mayu laughs.

"You're not. Don't say that," She assures me sweetly and when I nod once again in confirmation, she turns to the others and tells them something, and I watch in amusement as all the boys brighten.

Their managers say one more thing before they begin to move and we all trail after them.

As we walk down the hallway and half of us split into two groups to go down two separate elevators, Mayu lets go of me and I feel someone approach me to my left.

I turn to find Chan giving me a small, boyish smile. "Hey."

"Hi."

From my lack of response, his face drops slightly. "I'm really sorry about before," He tells me lamely, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to say that."

"'Didn't mean to say that' meaning you used the wrong choice of words or you didn't mean to say it out loud?"

"Hey," Chan huffs, "You know what I meant."

I laugh a bit. "Sorry. I know you didn't mean any harm. It's okay."

"I still feel bad though," Chan sighs.

I hum as I watch the numbers on the elevator screen begin to drop to one.

And then Felix is suddenly there and leaning over, his voice low as he says, "He kept saying he messed up."

"Felix," I watch with a smirk as Chan hisses and shoots his friend a look, but Felix is only leaning away and laughing.

When the elevator doors open and we all file out, we walk across the lobby to head to the cafe. I'm not sure which cafe we are exactly going to for breakfast, but I assume that they'd definitely pick a nice one.

However, as soon as we were about to exit the hotel, the managers stop and turn to Chan. I freeze when the managers point at me and tell him something and I wonder if maybe they've changed their mind on bringing me along, but then Chan purses his lips in thought and gives me a once over before he's taking the black cap off of his head reaching over to plop it onto my own head.

"There, all better," He says, and the managers give him a look before they nod and begin to walk outside. The rest of the boys are all making 'oooh' noises and Chan rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

I blink as I adjust the hat on my head, giving him a look of confusion. "Chan?"

"They said that they don't want your face to be all over the media. They were worried your mask won't be enough to hide your face."

"So you gave me your hat?" I ask him, eyebrow arched, and he shrugs a bit.

"Yeah. Just for now."

"What if I don't want to give it back?" I say cheekily as we step out onto the street, and Chan barks out a laugh.

"Depends. Maybe I'll let you have it."

My eyes sparkle. "I'm using that against you."

"Go for it," He says, continuing to laugh and I grin brightly.

I can basically feel Mayu squealing from behind me, and when I turn to look at her, she and Yeri are grinning widely behind their hands, and I can't help but blush as I quickly turn back around to hide my embarrassment.

Thank god my mask hides the colour starting to reach my cheeks.

When we make it to the cafe, my face breaks out into a grin as I clasp my hands together, instantly recognising the cafe we are at.

"Oh! This is the place I recommended," I say to no one in particular, but Felix is there, nodding.

"You didn't give me a name but I told Chan-hyung about it. We managed to find a place that sounded similar, but it's a good thing it's the right place."

"It is! They have the best pancakes here, I'll tell you, Felix," I tell him, flashing him a smile and he returns it with a happy one of his own.

"I reckon they do."

"Do they have waffles?" Jisung suddenly asks me, seemingly popping out of nowhere, and I laugh a little.

"They do! Those are really good too."

"Yes!" He cheers, pumping a fist and I can't help but snicker.

Their managers were talking with the lady by the door who greeted them, and we all trickle in and follow her as she manages to place us at two tables at the back of the cafe.

I slide into the chair next to Mayu and I flash Chan a smile when he takes the seat to my right. His smile is handsome when he returns it, and I take a moment to wonder how I've managed to be able to blessed by his and everyone else's presence.

Changbin takes the seat behind me, and he makes the effort to turn around and tell me he's hungry. I laugh and hand him my menu, and he grins happily, thanking me before turning around and sharing it with Jeongin.

When I face back forward, Felix is sitting in front of me, next to Hyunjin and Minho and they are all pointing to items on the menu and conversing on what to order.

Mayu is on the page with the pancakes, and I point at one of the dishes and let her know that the one I pointed at is a really good choice.

"Really?" She asks me, and I nod. "I might order it then!" She says and then she turns the page to find the drinks.

I already know what to order, so I don't mind sitting down and waiting for everyone else to decide, but when I turn to see what Chan is up to, he's not looking at the menu.

He's looking at me.

His chin is in his hand as he leans on the table, and I can't help but heat up under his gaze.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," He says, and he's smirking as he turns away and opens up his menu. "It's just fascinating to hear you speak in Japanese."

I flush, feeling a bit embarrassed. "It's nothing. I'm just talking."

"Your voice is a bit different."

"Is it?"

Chan hums in confirmation. "It's interesting."

I take my bottom lip between my teeth. "Your accent is interesting," I shoot back, and he looks at me again with a smile.

"I get that a lot."

"I would be surprised if you didn't," I tell him. "It's very distinctive."

"Thanks," He says, and his ears are red.

That's when two waitresses come over to take our orders, and Mayu turns around to help speak for the other table, while I speak for this one.

Everyone tells me their orders in English (thanks to Felix and Chan) and I translate it to Japanese for the waitress. As I speak and as the waitress nods and writes our orders down, I feel it.

I feel Chan's eyes on me, observing the way I speak and the way I translate English to Japanese. His eyes are sharp and analysing, and I can feel my face warm up every second.

When the two waitresses leave with our orders, I manage to will myself to meet Chan's eyes. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but the fond expression on his features definitely surprises me.

It only lasts a second though because he looks away and starts a conversation with Hyunjin, and it would be a lie if I said I wasn't disappointed.

I recollect my thoughts and turn to face Felix and start up a conversation with him. He seems happy to do so, telling me stories and things about himself whilst I do the same.

When our breakfast comes, I notice that almost everyone had ordered pancakes, and I can't help but laugh at the sight, throwing my head back slightly as I cover my mouth.

"What's so funny?" Hyunjin asks me, but there's an amused look on his face.

"You guys really wanted to try the pancakes, huh?" I tease, snickering.

"You recommended it," says Chan, "Why wouldn't we?"

"It's just," The word I want to say is cute, but I stop myself before I say it.

Mayu, however, seems to be able to read my mind, and she leans over and whispers, "How cute are they?"

"They are so cute," I whisper back, and we share a laugh as everyone else digs in, looking at us curiously but otherwise not asking.

I find that they are nice. Really nice. Of course, idols would have to be nice and put up an image for a camera or for an audience, but the way they joke around and laugh is so pure and genuine, and I warm at the way they try to involve me. It's so sweet. It's so real.

And while we eat breakfast, and as Felix translates what Minho wants to say to me and vice versa, I realise just how sweet and kind Stray Kids really are.

-

Chan helps me out of the van when we arrive at the train station, taking my hand in his as he helps me hop out.

I make sure I have all my things with me as I watch Mayu and one of their managers step out, sharing a few words and then turning to me.

"You have everything?" Mayu asks me and I nod, slipping my fingers around my backpack straps.

The packets of sweets that Jisung and Felix had given me sit heavily at the bottom of my bag.

"Sure do! Thank you for everything, Mayu," I tell her with a genuine smile, and she clasps her hands together.

"Of course, I'm glad we could help you!"

I try not to think about yesterday night, shivering a bit and nodding. "I am too. I really can't be more thankful."

"It's really okay," Mayu beams.

I smile and then turn to the manager, bowing my head and thanking him in English. He smiles happily, nodding and waving a hand as if to say don't worry about it.

Finally, I whirl around to face Chan, who's standing there with his hands in his hoodie pockets and a small dimpled smile pulling at his lips. I flash him a grin, before reaching up and pulling his hat off my head, and offering it to him.

"Thanks. You can have this back."

Chan blinks, but he doesn't make a move to take it. After a moment, he only shrugs and shakes his head, his grin lopsided and pretty.

"It's okay. You can keep it."

I give him a perplexed look. "Are you sure? I'm definitely not going to give this back," I tease.

"I am very sure," Chan assures me, huffing out a laugh.

"Well, if you say so," I giggle and place it back onto my head, adjusting it and fixing my hair. "Thanks. I will cherish Bang Chan's hat now and forever." I sigh dramatically, touching my heart, and Chan laughs.

"Okay, weirdo. Get home safe, okay?"

My smile is genuine as I look up at him. "I will. Thank you, by the way, for everything."

"Don't sweat it," He says, his kind and warm eyes boring deep into mine. "It was really nice to meet you."

_We should keep in touch._

"Yeah, it was. I'm really glad I met you and the others," I gush, laughing a bit and fiddling with my hair.

_I want to talk to you more._

Chan is nodding. "I bet the guys think so too."

_I want to see you again._

My face drops a bit, but I manage to hide it with a small smile as I step back. "Well, thank you for everything."

I watch Chan grin, but I notice that he had smiled a lot brighter before. I can see the rest of the boys waving at me through the window of the van, and I laugh a bit and wave back at them over Chan's shoulder.

And then with one last hug from Mayu and a bow to their manager, I flash Chan a sad smile, wave timidly at him, and rush away.

I don't look back, but even then I can feel Chan's eyes watching my retreating figure as I walk into the station and disappear into the crowd.


	3. fancams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thank you for reading so far! i'm having so much fun writing and i hope you guys are enjoying it! just letting u guys kno that i'd appreciate it from the bottom of my heart if you guys could leave comments and votes. it really helps me and motivates me to write the next chapter, so if u guys could pls tell me what u think or leave a quick comment, i'd be so thankful ♡♡ thank u for the support! ♡'･ᴗ･'♡

It's a month later when Kevin slams open my bedroom door. He's screaming my name as I lay on my bed and continue to flick through my notes.

"What?" I say without looking up.

"Well, maybe I don't want to tell you now."

"Okay," I murmur, highlighting a passage. "Make sure you shut the door on your way out this time."

"Why are you like this?"

"Charming and sweet?" I smirk up at him.

"Moody and mean."

"Okay," I say, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. I shuffle a bit to the side and pat the spot beside me for him. Kevin grins and basically jumps onto my bed, and all my sheets of paper fly everywhere. I huff, but Kevin doesn't look guilty at all. "What's up?"

"You know how I'm just an amazing younger brother," he starts, looking smug, "And how you love me and all that?"

"Debatable."

He ignores me. "Well, you're going to love me even more and you're going to say, 'holy shit,' in about two seconds."

"Get to the point," I snicker.

Kevin is grinning. His eyes are shining and he's basically buzzing with excitement when he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. I lean back and wince when he shoves it into my face, adjusting to the sudden brightness of his phone screen.

Then, my jaw drops.

And my heart jumps to my throat.

"Holy shit."

"Hah, I knew it!" Kevin cackles, flopping back onto my bed and howling, "I'm amazing!"

"Wh—," the words fall from my tongue. Feeling speechless, I try to gather my thoughts, the memories of what had happened a month ago come flooding back into my senses from where I've locked them away as a nice distant memory.

"When, how, and why did you get tickets to a Stray Kids concert and fan meet?"

Kevin pulls himself back up into a sitting position, the grin still plastered proudly upon his lips. He holds up three fingers and points to each of them as he speaks.

"When? I got them last week! I'm surprised that you didn't know they were coming to Osaka! Aren't you like, a fan?"

I manage to give my brother a blank stare. "No, I'm not, Kevin," I tell him dryly, and I watch as he looks behind me and takes in the Stray Kids posters pasted all over my wall.

"Okay, maybe 'a fan' is an understatement," he mumbles, dramatically cupping his chin.

"I think so too," I say, huffing a small laugh.

I think back to a smiling Jisung and Felix giving me snacks, a hungry Changbin keen for pancakes and a sweet Chan with an arm wrapped protectively around me.

It'll be a lie if I said I didn't begin to look into them after the incident. I wasn't really a big Stay before it happened, only ever knowing them as another group in a sea of idols, but the kind smiles and concern that they casted my way did nothing but make me absolutely fall in love with them.

Not the image or idea of Stray Kids, but _Stray Kids_. The amazing group of boys who helped me when I was in danger. The group of boys who ate pancakes with me and joked around with me and made me happier than I've ever been in a long time.

And I absolutely _miss_ them.

"How?" Kevin continues when I stay silent. "Well, I never would have been able to buy the tickets myself, so I managed to take some money from your account!"

My eyes pop out of my head. "What?" I screech, horrified. "Kevin!"

"And why?" Kevin stays smug, pointing to his last finger, snickering to himself when he barely dodges the swing of my arm. "Because you kept playing their songs for a month! I might as well take you to see them if you're so in love with them."

I shut my mouth at that, the anger dissipating as soon as it surfaced. I sneak a peek behind me, taking in the posters all over my walls. It's a bit embarrassing, considering I've actually met them and had breakfast with them and experienced an interesting and very loud van ride with them, but I couldn't help but put the posters up.

I had no way of contacting them, but maybe I can finally talk to them again.

Maybe I can see them again.

I can laugh with them again.

But that's if they recognise me.

-

For the next few weeks leading up to the date of the event, I thank Kevin profusely. I never would have thought he'd get me tickets to see them, but Kevin was more than happy to buy them for me (even though I did technically pay for half).

Kevin insisted he'd be with me the whole time, interested in seeing them for himself. He had briefly told me that he was interested to see Hyunjin and to see if his hair is really as soft as it looks. I laughed at the way he blushed.

The venue is only a twenty-minute bus ride, which surprises me. We are in the more busy part of Osaka, living happily with our parents in the heart of the city, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that the venue is pretty close to our house.

But the fact makes me buzz in excitement because Stray Kids are so close to where I live.

The concert is first, and we manage to steal a spot in the middle of the venue. The stage is bright and colourful, and I can't stop my heart from beating loudly in my ears as we wait for the concert to start.

It's beautiful.

Of course, I've seen stages and performances online, but seeing them in person is different. Totally different.

My heart is warm as the boys sing, interact with fans and stumble a bit with their Japanese. They dance across the stage and carry themselves with such experience and love for their fans, that I can't help myself from crying maybe just a little bit.

They don't see me, which I expected. I'm a bit disappointed, and it'll be a lie if I said I didn't try to gain their attention by waving and screaming, but being in a crowd with thousands of other people doing the exact same thing, it's not surprising that they didn't notice me.

But there's a bit of me that hopes that Chan noticed me when his eyes swept my way, but it must have been my imagination.

The concert ends, and they wave goodbye before rushing off stage. Kevin looks like he had a blast, gushing on about how amazing they were and how all of the songs that they performed were bops, and I laugh along with him.

We file out of the venue and make our way to the event I've been squirming about for the past few weeks.

The fan sign.

It's packed when we get there, everyone in their respected seats and screaming their names. Kevin and I follow them, taking our seats with wide grins and sweaty palms.

I brought their new Japanese mini album with me, the item wrapped tightly in my hands as I try to control my breathing.

I also brought the same sweets Jisung and Felix had given me. Well, I had eaten the original ones they had given me, but I bought the same sweets in hopes to give them to them.

And Chan's baseball cap sits comfortably on my head.

The boys enter the room, and everyone goes wild. I can hear Kevin from beside me scream Hyunjin's name, and I laugh a little, also waving to the boys from the crowd.

The smile on my face is big as they greet us, bowing and waving their own hands. They all have their own big grins as they begin to speak with us, Chan fiddling a bit with his microphone as he tries to find the right words to say.

It really is good to see them again.

We line up for the fan signing, Kevin jumping a bit in excitement in front of me. He's holding the photo book he bought and a rose he plans to give to a certain someone. I think it's absolutely adorable, considering Kevin is in his last year of high school. He's still tiny.

The table that they are sitting at gets closer and closer and closer, and I hold my breath as I become the next person in line to meet them.

This is it.

My heart is racing, my hands are shaking and my breath is unsteady as I walk over and sit in front of the first member.

Minho recognises me immediately.

A small and surprised, 'oh!' stumbles out of his lips as he points at me, his eyes blowing as I give him a shy wave.

I flush when he says my name.

He remembers me.

Minho can't seem to contain his excitement. He's grinning so wide and he's turning his head to face Seungmin from beside him, telling him something I can't quite understand.

When Seungmin waves goodbye to Kevin who shuffles over to Changbin, he turns his head my way.

Seungmin's jaw unhinges at the sight of me, and he slowly raises his hands to cover his mouth.

My name falls from my lips as a question.

I snicker in amusement, nodding.

"Hi, Minho. Hi, Seungmin," I manage through a laugh.

They are shocked, completely gaping at me, and speechless. It's really cute.

Minho dives down quickly to sign my album before it gets suspicious, which I think is a good idea.

I can feel thousands of eyes burning into the back of my head, and I shiver a bit.

But Seungmin is ecstatic. "Woah, it's so nice to see you! I didn't know you'd be here!"

"Well, I told you I live in Osaka, didn't I?" I respond with a giggle, thanking Minho lovingly as he hands me my album, and I quickly slide down the line to sit in front of Seungmin before the fan behind me throws a fit.

"Thanks, Minho," I say happily and his eyes shine.

"You're welcome." He beams.

"That's right! I can't believe none of us realised," Seungmin continues, signing his own name on my album. "I'm just so shocked!"

I melt at the heart he puts next to his name.

"Well, it's really nice to see you too. I also went to your concert!"

"You did?" Seungmin covers his mouth. "Woah!"

I laugh and thank him, and he gives me one last smile before I shift down the line to Changbin, who's already grinning and pointing at me and saying my name.

I point back to tease him, smirking, and he throws his head back to laugh, holding out a hand for a high five. I slap my hand to his as he signs my album, and he looks like he wants to say so much but he can't seem to form the words.

I bow at him as he returns the album, and he manages a, "Thanks for the pancakes!" just before I shuffle over, and I laugh as he gives me another point.

When I lift my head to face Jisung, he looks really happy. I sit down in front of him, my name happily falling from his lips.

When I chance a look to my right, I notice that the rest of the members have noticed me, but they look distracted with the fans in front of them to wave, which I don't mind.

"Woah, I can't believe you're here! It's been so long!" He says with his charming grin, clapping his hands and uncapping his pen.

"It has! How have you been, Jisung? Eating well?"

"Oh, always," Jisung says dramatically, and I snort behind my hand. "I am always eating well!"

"I'm sure you have," I tell him, and I have the biggest grin on my face when I pull out the bag of sweets from my tote bag and place it in front of him whilst he signs my album. "But you must be still hungry, right?"

When he looks up, he nearly jumps to his feet, a 'woah!' flying from his lips as he leans over to quickly grasp the bag between his hands, and I can't help my loud laugh as his eyes go wide on me.

"You didn't!"

"I did."

"You are amazing!" My cheeks start to hurt as I watch Jisung waste no time in ripping open the bag of sweets and popping one into his mouth. The little dance he does is absolutely adorable and he hugs the packet to his chest, eyes round and sparkling. "Thank you so much!"

"I knew you'd like them," I tell him cheekily.

"I really do," Jisung replies, and I snicker when he shoves a few more into his mouth.

I wave goodbye as I turn to the next member, and my heartbeat spikes at the sight of Jeongin, who's holding a little teddy bear and using its arm to wave at me.

I squeal at the gesture, a hand coming to rest on my chest as I can't help but coo at the adorable sight. "Hi, Jeongin! How are you?"

"Hi, noona," he shyly greets, hugging the bear close to himself as he grasps a pen to write onto my album. "I'm good."

"That's great," I tell him, face bright. Although, I'm a little confused over the term Jeongin had used on me, unfamiliar with the word, but I only continue to smile as he finishes signing and offers the album back.

I bow at him and take it with two hands, and he returns the gesture, his head ducking sheepishly.

"Thank you. Stay safe, okay? Don't forget to eat well!"

Hesitation flashes over Jeongin's eyes, and I realise that maybe I shouldn't have said things he probably wouldn't understand, but nonetheless, he nods and waves me goodbye as I sit in front of the next person.

When I look over to find Felix resting his chin into the palms of his hands, I smirk back at the smug grin he shoots my way, huffing an amused laugh.

"What a pleasant surprise," he muses, tone playful. "Couldn't stay away from us?"

I give him a sarcastic 'haha', rolling my eyes good-naturedly as he takes my album and chuckles deeply. "It's good to see you too, Felix."

"You too," he smiles, all dimples and freckles, my name sounding deep from his voice. "How have you been?"

"Studying, really. Nothing too fancy," I respond with a wave of my hand. "How about you guys? Have you been resting well?"

"We're still continuing filming but yeah, we're okay. It's fun," says Felix with a toothy grin. "We're leaving soon though."

"Leaving Japan?" I tilt my head.

"Yeah. We're going back home next week."

"Oh."

His eyes lift at the way my tone shifts, and I can tell he notices the way I sink at the thought of them leaving. His own smile turns sad, and he finishes signing my album with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. We have a strict schedule."

My next laugh sounds a little forced. "Why are you apologising? There's nothing to apologise for."

"Yeah, but—" Felix stops himself, frowning a bit. He spares a quick glance to both his sides and then suddenly leans in. His voice is low when he says, "You've been really nice to us. I want us to be friends."

The strangled noise that comes from the back of my throat is very embarrassing, but I only continue to flush deep red and give Felix a look of shock.

I stumble with my words. "But... You're idols. I can't... We can't," I trail off, at a loss of words.

Then Felix is leaning back with a grin. "We can. We'll sort it out."

My heart is drumming loud in my ears as I slowly take the album from him. "Felix," I mumble, eyes shining.

He laughs and winks, and then I quickly shuffle over when a staff member appears behind him and gives me a look of warning.

With one last grateful, but very unsure look I cast Felix, I turn to find Hyunjin giving me a smile, but he also looks very curious. He probably heard a bit of my conversation with Felix, and he looks a bit perplexed. Nonetheless, he flashes me a handsome smile and greets me happily.

"Hyunjin," I greet him, blushing at the way he tilts his head and smiles. There's a rose sitting behind his ear, and I smirk at the sight.

"It's you," he says, and I nod.

"It's me." I beam.

Hyunjin radiates happiness as he finishes signing his name on my album and offers it back. I take it from him gratefully, but then my eyes blow when he suddenly removes the headband with heart springs attached to it off of his head and leans over to place it on top of the hat on my head.

I can't help but laugh sweetly, a smile spreading across my cheeks as I reach up to adjust the headband. "Thank you!"

When Hyunjin winks at me, I squeal behind my hand, overjoyed and laughing as I turn to the last member I am yet to meet.

And it's Chan.

Chan who's already grinning so wide and waving both his hands at me with a pen still between his fingers, head ducking and cheeks dimpling.

I absolutely swoon.

"Hi," I say dumbly, feeling shy.

He chuckles. "Hey."

I place the album between us, suddenly feeling a bit sheepish. The red ribbon scarf in my hair finds its way between my fingers as I play with it.

"You kept it," Chan says suddenly.

"Huh?"

His smile is boyish as his eyes flit from me to the cap on my head. "My hat."

"Oh," I reach up and touch the bill, adjusting it slightly. "Yeah, I did. It's mine now, after all."

Chan is smirking now. "Right. After I gave it to you."

"Hey, I did offer to give it back," I reason, tone playful and light.

Chan lets out an amused huff in response.

His gaze is cast downward as he scribbles on the cover of my album. I watch him warmly, noticing the faint red colour on his ears and on his cheeks.

"Did you, uh, get home alright?" He asks me.

"No, I got stalked again."

I'm taken aback by the way Chan suddenly chokes, eyes snapping up in alarm as they zone in on me, his gaze flickering across my face and down my body. "What—"

"I'm joking," I quickly say, startled by the sudden reaction, a sheepish smile pulling at my lips. "I'm fine. I got home fine."

I watch in slight surprise as he instantly relaxes, a sigh leaving him as he meets my eyes once again after giving me a quick once over to see if I'm alright. But then he frowns, eyes glinting.

"You can't do that," he warns me, but even then I can see him fighting off a smile. "You're going to make me worry."

I can't help but blush red. "I'm seriously fine, Chan," I assure him, the laughter bubbling from my lips, bashful and shy. "You don't need to worry about me."

"I worry about all my friends," Chan easily tells me like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

My heart jumps, my brain short-circuiting for a moment as I look at him in surprise.

Friends?

But he's not looking at me anymore, he's finishing up signing my album.

I seem to have heard wrong because there's no way an idol just called me, a random girl in a sea of fans, his friend, right?

Then it's Chan who suddenly looks shy, his face red as he offers my album back, his hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. "So, I'll uh, hopefully talk to you later, yeah?"

What?

I blink. I sit there and blink for a while as I slowly take my album, the cogs in my brain turning because what does he mean by _talk to you later_?

He's grinning now, probably at my reaction, his cheeks dimpling (dimples!!!) as he tilts his head and says my name curiously.

I quickly return back to earth, shaking my head slightly. "Uh, yeah," I dumbly say, nodding and managing to give him a hesitant smile. "It was really nice to see you, Chan."

I watch as he reddens, smile never faltering. "You too."

And then when I get up and walk away from the table, too shy to turn back around to see if the others are watching me walk away, I make my way back to my seat where Kevin is probably waiting for me.

However, as my gaze drops down to my album where all the boys have signed their names, my breath hitches and I stutter in my walk as my slowly widening eyes drag across the string of numbers written messily across the cover.

_here's my number. if u leak this, which i doubt u will, i am taking my hat back_ \- _chan_

I feel like screaming.


	4. coffee trips

I'm too nervous to call or text the number, but I do save it into my phone as a simple 'Chan.' I'm not sure what else to name his contact. After all, what is a girl supposed to name the number of a famous and handsome idol?

And Kevin noticed everything. _Everything_ that happened at the fan sign. The way Jisung grinned at me, the way each and every one of them seemed to recognise me from somewhere, and how easily that I talked to each one of them only caused alarms to ring in Kevin's head.

He had pulled me away and demanded to tell me what was happening — why I seemed so close to Stray Kids. I frowned at his choice of words. I wouldn't call myself 'close' to them at all. I'm a mere acquaintance, a nice person they met on the street.

Not according to Chan though, considering he had called me a friend.

The memory still makes me squeal into my pillow.

I had explained everything to Kevin, telling him what happened that night and how they happened to be there to help. At first, he was concerned, which was sweet, but then he gasped and rained fire on me, immediately urging me to tell him the details.

Kevin was ecstatic over the news, shaking my shoulders and going on about how amazing it seemed and how jealous he was. I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

But that's not the worst part.

The day after the signing, I got a call. An angry, loud and desperate call from Nao.

"Okay, tell me why the fuck I see you all over my Twitter feed and IG explore right now."

I nearly dropped the bowl of cereal I was in the midst of making.

My voice was quiet. "...Come again?"

"You seriously haven't seen it? Your name is everywhere! There are thousands of clips of you and Stray Kids being buddy, buddy at the fan sign!" Nao exclaimed, breathless and dumbstruck. "Thank god they didn't get a good shot of your face, it was just your back, but still! You better explain to me what the hell is going on!"

I couldn't process the words she was saying, choking slightly as I tried to wrap my head around what she was telling me. "How," I swallowed, gathering my bearings. "How did they find out my name?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Nao sounded unimpressed. "I am literally watching a clip of Jisung crying out your name very, very loudly right now."

I nearly screamed, my legs giving up as I found myself shrinking down to the floor, my bowl of cereal being long forgotten on the countertop.

"No, this can't be happening."

"It is," Nao sighed. "But it's fine! I'm pretty sure they have no idea who you are; they just know your name."

"But..." I cupped my mouth. I couldn't believe what was happening. I knew that there were people watching me, but I didn't know that there were fan cams. I couldn't help myself from freaking out a little. "This is not good, they... Won't they get in trouble or something?"

"Huh? What for?"

"Bias," I told Nao, exasperated. "They can't do that, can't they? They can't give more attention to one singular fan. That's not good for them."

"Oh," Nao sounded thoughtful. There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again. "I'm reading tweets right now, and not a single person seems mad at them."

"Then what are they saying?"

"They're jealous," Nao supplied. "They're jealous of you."

I groaned. "Yeah, bias! They think I am getting special treatment. If they're angry at me or whatever, that means they're upset at SKZ as well for showing bias toward me."

"Well, I don't blame them! You still haven't told me why!" Nao said, bewildered, her voice starting to sound urgent.

I bit my lip.

That's when I told her what happened, just like how I told Kevin. Unlike my brother, who stayed quiet and listened to me explain the whole time, Nao kept interrupting and squealing at certain parts, causing me to laugh a bit.

"There's no way!"

"Yes, way."

"I can't believe it!" I had to pull the phone away from my ear, cringing a bit as Nao continued to scream through my speakers, but I smile nonetheless. "Well, now that I know that, obviously they'd be happy to see you!"

I played with a lock of my hair between my fingers. "Yeah, but I just don't want them getting in trouble," I mumbled, feeling a bit uneasy.

"I'm sure it's fine," Nao told me, and I can hear her smile through her voice. "The internet makes things a bigger deal than they are. Don't worry too much about it, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed.

Nao paused before speaking again, this time sounding a bit quizzical. "I'm surprised though. Your basically all over the net and you worry about SKZ and not the fact that people might find you?"

"Well, I'm a bit worried," I managed a nervous laugh as I leaned my back against the wall. "But I feel like this will all blow over, right? It's... not like I'll see them again."

Nao then said my name, sounding a bit dejected. "It's okay," she told me slowly. "I'm sure you'll be able to see them again."

"I guess," I had said under my breath.

We talked for a bit more, our conversation straying off somewhere else as we caught up and talked about school and other things before we hung up and agreed to talk later.

I've avoided my social media since then, refusing to check any of the notifications that would pop up on my phone for a good three days.

Felix had told me that he and the others were leaving by the end of this week, and I try not to frown at that thought, telling myself that there's nothing that I can do.

But then my eyes would fall upon the album sitting proudly on my shelf or flicker past the number as I scroll through my contacts, and my face can't help but heat up.

I should call.

But what do I say?

Oh god, I can't do it.

Kevin looks up from his phone as I march past the TV, shrugging on my coat and heading toward the door. His eyebrow is arched as he watches me tap my shoes on.

"And where are you going?"

"Grocery shopping."

"You never grocery shop."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," Kevin counters, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Where are you really going?"

I pause in my step, slumping my shoulders as a tired sigh leaves my lips. I swirl around, arms folded as I shoot him a look.

"If you stop asking questions, I'll get you something to eat. Deal?"

Kevin instantly brightens. "Deal."

I roll my eyes with a smile on my face before I wave him goodbye and head out, shutting the door behind me with a huff.

The grocery store is not too far away, and I really needed the fresh air anyway. For the past few days, Chan's number has been constantly burning at the back of my mind, and I really just needed the distraction.

I try and grab the items I know we don't have, but I don't remember half the things I actually need. It's a good way to distract myself though, keeping my mind occupied for a good half an hour before everything comes streaming back in like a dam bursting open between two flood gates right into the front of my mind.

I nearly groan in frustration as I pay for my groceries, pinching the bridge of my nose and frowning deeply.

I should text him at least.

But what do I say?

Ugh.

I begin my trek back home, two plastic grocery bags sitting in both of my hands as I make my way down the pathway. There are cars rushing down the street and the breeze flies through my hair and tussles the leaves in the trees looming above.

This part of the city is usually not as loud as other parts, being decently volumed at best. However, as I walk my usual path back home, I hear a loud crowd of people sounding from around a corner.

Once I turn, I notice that it is a crowd surrounding the pathway on the other side of the road from where I am, taking up nearly the entire path.

_Good thing I'm on this side_ , I think sourly as I survey the situation from across the road, eyeing up the number of people gushing and squealing at something I can't see.

I'm about to turn away to continue to walk down the path, deciding it's really not any of my business, but then I suddenly catch a flash of brown hair and blonde locks, and I can't help but halt in my step.

I notice from where I am that there are sounds of camera clicks and flashing lights within the crowd of people who seem to be in a circle and surrounding something.

No, someone.

Some _people_.

My jaw unhinges and I nearly drop my groceries all over the cement when I notice Hyunjin and Chan standing right in the middle of the crowd, smiling and taking photos with those around them.

_Oh my god._

I can't believe it. Right there, right in front of me, are the very same boys I told Nao a few days ago that I'd highly doubt I'd ever see again. And yet here there are, smiling and talking politely with their fans as if everything is fine.

Well, everything might be fine for them but it's not fine for me.

What does this mean? How did I manage to find them? Again? Out of all people?

I nearly start to hyperventilate.

Instead, I take a big calming breath and try to relax myself, watching from across the street as they each pose for photos and cast charming smiles to each of their fans.

But as I watch them interact with the crowd and talk to each person respectfully, I can't help but notice something.

I can't help but notice the nervous smile that they'd occasionally flash each other, or the way Chan keeps looking at the time on his phone.

Maybe they are late for something.

I blink when I also remember that Felix said that they are still filming, so I'm quite surprised to see Chan and Hyunjin out and about in public.

Should they even be here?

Taking my bottom lip between my teeth, I shakily bring my phone up and ponder over what to do. My first instinct is to help them, of course, because even though they seem to be enjoying their time hanging out with Stay, they look like they are missing out on something important.

I wonder why they don't have someone like a bodyguard accompanying them at all.

Nonetheless, I take a deep breath and think fuck it, before I'm pulling up Chan's number and ringing him.

I eye him over the passing of cars as his own eyes downcast to his phone, where he seems to have taken notice that he's being called. The way his nose scrunches tells me that he notices the unknown number on the screen, and he takes a moment to answer, hesitating for a second before he's answering and bringing his phone up to his ear.

"Hello?" He asks in his native tongue. I may not understand Korean, but at least know I what _hello_ is.

I'm nervous again suddenly, but I quickly swallow and gather my thoughts before saying, "Hi. Need help?"

A smile manages to find its way onto my lips as I watch Chan shoot Hyunjin a perplexed look, who in return only blinks at him before returning to the fan he's currently talking to.

"I'm sorry?" Chan says, switching to English with his head tilted. "Who's this?"

I try to stifle my giggles. "And here I thought you'd probably recognise my voice."

I can't help my smile from stretching into a grin as I see the exact moment when Chan realises who he's talking to, his eyebrows shooting up and his ears flushing a deep red.

The way he says my name in surprise makes my heart jolt as I notice him working his jaw to try and find something to say.

"You... I thought you didn't want to call me," he breathes out, and even through the static of the phone, I can hear the relief flooding his tone.

I blush a little. "Yeah, sorry," I laugh shyly. "I uh, was a bit nervous."

I can see Chan nodding, a hand coming up to tug on his red ear. "That's okay."

I do my best to push my embarrassment away before I'm smiling again. "So, anyway, like I was saying," I say, my tone light. "Need help?"

"Help?" Chan asks, baffled, his eyes moving to slowly look around. "What do you—"

The moment he notices me from across the street, his eyes blow, and his mouth falls open. Even from afar, I can see the way his eyes drink in the sight of me, a dumbstruck expression colouring his handsome features.

I give him a shy wave, laughing slightly.

"Hi."

"You're—" Chan struggles on what to say, sounding a little breathless, and it's a little endearing that I've managed to catch him off guard just from standing here. "What are you doing here?"

"I think the question is what are you doing here?" I counter back, smirking at him from the other side of the road. "Felix said you were filming."

"Yeah, that's—that's true," Chan tells me lowly, trailing off.

Throughout our whole phone conversation, his voice has been low, and he's been casting apologetic smiles to fans who have been trying to grasp his attention. Luckily, Hyunjin is there to keep them occupied, but I don't blame the others for being a little upset that Chan's now given all his attention to a phone call.

To _me_.

I really don't want to be that person, but it makes me really, really happy.

I'm pretty sure that most of the crowd wouldn't understand what he's saying anyway, considering he's been speaking in English the whole time. Even so, Chan continues to keep his voice down, trying not to pike the interest of the crowd on who he's talking to.

"We were just going to get coffee for the others, but we accidentally caught too much attention," he clarifies softly, and I watch him adjust the beanie on top of his head, looking a little embarrassed.

After gaping at me for that one moment when he first noticed me, Chan's been looking away. He's smart enough to know that if he keeps looking in a certain direction, it'll attract the attention of the crowd and cause them to look my way. So instead, he keeps his gaze locked to his shoes or to a few of his fans who wave at him.

"So, you are filming?" I ask, moving to the side of the path closest to the road to get out of the way of the other pedestrians walking by. "It's close by?"

"Yeah," Chan tells me. "I don't think we'll be able to get coffee now though. We're late for the shooting." He laughs a bit, and even then, I can hear the worry lacing his words.

A smile threatens my lips. "Well, I guess it's my turn to help you now, hey?"

Chan's eyes briefly flicker over to me, curious, before he's looking away again. "Yeah?" He grins toothily.

"Yeah," I tell him. "But I am a little confused as to why you don't call your managers to pick you up?"

"I did, but I don't exactly know where we are," Chan explains with a sheepish chuckle.

A smile brightens my face. "I do! Do you have your manager's number? Maybe I can tell them?"

I can see Chan nodding. "I have Mayu's. Do you want hers?"

The memory of Mayu giggling with me, comforting me, and being overall the sweetest person I've ever met makes me gasp.

I can't help but squeal into the phone just a little. "Oh, yes please!"

Chan is chuckling again, an amused look crosses over his features before he says, "Okay. I'll give you her number."

"Thanks! I'll give her a ring and let her know where you guys are, okay?"

"Okay," Chan breathes, and my heart jumps when I see him cast me a quick radiating smile from across the street, saying my name and thanking me.

My heart still continues to race as I nod and hang up on him. I then watch him pull his phone away from his ear and type something in. When I look down at my own phone, I see a text message pop up.

It's Mayu's number presented clear as day on my phone screen, and I go red at the cheeky text message that follows after.

**chan**   
_here u go. i guess we're even now :)_

I snort behind my hand and look up to catch Chan grinning at me, winking, and then he's looking away before I can react. I roll my eyes and add Mayu's number onto my phone before I begin to ring her number.

She answers in Japanese, and when I greet her and let her know who I am, she's squealing just as I had expected her to. She instantly brings down a waterfall of questions upon me, asking me how I am and how she saw me at the fan sign but couldn't grab an opportunity to talk to me.

We talk for a bit, quickly answering her questions in excitement until I catch the amused look Chan's throwing me over a passing car. I shoot him a bashful glance before I cut to the chase.

"Anyway, I'm calling you because Chan and Hyunjin look like they need a bit of help getting back to the shoot."

"Oh! You've found them? We've been trying to locate them, but we haven't had any luck."

I let her know where we are and where they can find us, giving her the street name so they could find our location on a GPS.

"Ah, thank you so much! This is a great help. We've been worrying about them for a while since they haven't been giving us any details."

"They've managed to gather a huge crowd of people," I tell Mayu with a snicker, and I can imagine her shaking her head with a huff.

"Those boys getting into all sorts of trouble," she laughs. "Thank you so much though. We're going to pick them up now."

"That's great. Thanks, Mayu."

"No, thank you! Is there any way I could repay you?"

I blink, feeling a bit taken aback. "Oh, there's no need! Chan and I agreed that we're even now since we've both helped each other."

"Awww, really?" Mayu coos and I feel my face heat up. "You guys are adorable."

"Mayu," I whine, pouting a bit.

"Sorry, sorry," she says, laughing in amusement. "But still, we should meet up later! I want to see you before we leave on Sunday."

I nearly choke on my spit, my eyes going wide as I cup my mouth. "Wait," I pause as I slowly process what Mayu had just said. "You want to see me?"

"Well, of course! We're friends, aren't we?"

There's that word again. Friends.

My brain short circuits because keeping in contact with Mayu means keeping in contact with SKZ. Is that okay? After all, it's different being friends with an idol and being friends with that certain idol's staff member, right?

"You won't get in trouble?" I can't help but ask, feeling a bit reluctant.

"Huh? What for?"

I lift my chin to spot Chan again, and I jump a bit when I notice he's looking at me. Instead of quickly ducking his head and facing away like I assume he would do, he flashes me a quick, boyish grin instead before he looks away. It does things to my heart that should probably concern me.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear Mayu say my name. "The company can't keep me from making friends," she tells me softly. "Even if that said friend is aware that I work with SKZ, they can't control who I'm friends with. Okay?"

I bite the inside of my cheek but sigh through my nose, nodding. "Okay."

"Great! We'll sort something out later," she says, her tone turning bright and happy, causing me to smile. "I'm in the van right now on the way to the location. Are you still there?"

"Uh, yeah," I say dumbly. "I'm actually heading home from getting groceries."

"Busy then, huh? Too bad. I would have invited you back to the shooting," Mayu says with a snicker.

I bark a laugh and arch a suspicious brow. "You can't do that."

"Yeah, I can't," Mayu sighs, and I only giggle a bit at her antics. "But what I can do is invite you out! Want to grab dinner sometime?"

I startle, surprised, finding myself that I do. I really do, but I wonder if this is all really okay. Something like this feels like a dream or a nice distant memory I can keep locked away and remember what it was like to spend personal time with Stray Kids.

But keeping in touch with Mayu makes it seem real. Like I can seriously start to become friends with them instead of being a random face in a crowd.

But I suck in a breath and cast my gaze over toward the other side of the road, where I see that Hyunjin has also recognised me, and his eyes are lighting up and he's grinning when he notices that I've spotted him. Chan is beside him too, speaking with a fan, but I can see the quick wink he shoots my way even from here.

With a big grin and my heart buzzing in excitement, I softly say to Mayu, "Okay. Where do you want to meet up?"

"I'll text you the details," she says gleefully.

As soon as she says the words, I look up to notice a big black van turn the corner on the other side of the street. I grin as it makes its way over toward the side of the road where the crowd is.

"Oh, we see them," Mayu tells me.

"Yeah, I see you," I reply, giggling.

There's a moment of shuffling before I hear Mayu inhale sharply, causing me to laugh when she says, "Oh, I see you! I'm waving but you can't see that, can you?"

I can't — the tinted windows preventing me from seeing her, but I raise a hand and wave toward the van anyway. "Nope, but I am."

"Aww, you're so cute," she coos, and I smile and roll my eyes good-naturedly.

During our conversation, I notice two men hop out of the van and make their way through the crowd, escorting Chan and Hyunjin safely into the van. I can hear the crowd screaming and yelling through my phone and from across the street, making me wince a bit.

There's another moment of shuffling and I hear a brief exchange of Korean words before the sound of the van door sliding shut.

I stay silent as more words are exchanged, and I feel a little awkward standing here, listening to them talk as I watch them and the van begin to drive away. I blink, my heart jolting when I suddenly hear my name in their conversation and my face goes bright red when I recognise it was Chan who had said my name.

Mayu says something else, and then there's another moment before she says to me, "Chan wants to say something. You're on speaker now."

My breath hitches and I hesitate slightly, but then I manage to muster up the courage to smile. "Hi, Chan. Hi, Hyunjin. Are you guys okay?" I ask, my voice only shaking just a little bit.

The angelic sound of my name on Chan's lips is enough to make me blush. "We're fine! Thank you for saving us," he says with a laugh.

"Thank you!" I hear Hyunjin chirp and I can't help but laugh along with them.

"No problem," I say. "We're even now, right Chan?"

Even through the phone, I can hear Chan's smile through his voice. "Yeah," he says, sounding a little breathless. "We are."

The van is long gone by now, the crowd beginning to disperse, and so I pick up my groceries and begin to walk back home, my phone still pressed up against my ear.

I can hear Mayu say something, Chan replying, and Hyunjin chiming in in the background. There's another pause before I hear Chan's voice again. "We've made it to the shoot because of you," he says. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," I tell him honestly. "Just promise me to not work too hard, Chan."

Chan's voice sounds light and sweet. "I promise," he tells me. "I'll text you as well. Sound good?"

I blush a bright red, my heart stuttering. He'll text me. It does nothing but causes a smile to bloom across my face. I manage a nod, even though they won't be able to see it. "Sounds great," I mumble, and it's my turn to sound breathless.

They must have made it to the shooting location because there's more commotion heard. Chan and Hyunjin must have been rushed out of the van because the next voice I hear is Mayu's.

"Hey, thank you so much again! I'll text you where we will be meeting up for dinner, got it?"

"Alright," I say, smiling brightly. "Thanks, Mayu."

"Anytime!" She says and the call ends.

I slowly pocket my phone, my heart never feeling so full before. The dumb, crooked smile that pulls on my lips should be embarrassing, but I only continue to make my way back home with the thought of Chan's sweet voice and charming smile.

When I arrive back home, Kevin is heartbroken to find me empty-handed, the food I had promised him long forgotten from the chaos that had happened. I snicker when he refuses to talk to me for about an hour, mumbling 'traitor' under his breath all the while, but I do end up cooking dinner for him instead.

He still continues to throw me petty glares whilst I do so, but not even that could bring down my mood because then my phone lights up on the kitchen counter, a text message from Mayu shining brightly from my screen with our plan to meet up, and I can't help but squeal in delight.

Then Kevin scolds me for nearly burning the rice.


	5. stars and swing sets

I wasn't sure if it was just Mayu and I going out for dinner. She wasn't very specific with the details, and I can't help but have a small part of me hope that the boys would come too. I briefly wondered if asking Chan if he was coming would be acting a bit desperate, so I decide to hold back from texting him for now.

Mayu had told me that we're going out for Korean BBQ at a place nearby, so I grab a nice black dress and pull on a cardigan. Kevin gives me a once-over when I walk past him where he's studying on the couch, and his eyes narrow in suspicion.

"And where are you going _now_?"

"Out?"

"On a date?" He asks skeptically, taking note of the black heels I'm slipping on.

"Something like that," I answer cheekily, adjusting the bandana on my head. I had decided to leave my hair down for now and use the ribbon I usually use to hold my hair up like a bandana.

"Yikes. That poor guy," Kevin comments with a dramatic shake of his head. He sticks his tongue out at me when I shoot him an unimpressed look.

"I'll be back by midnight. Tell mum to eat, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

With one last wave, I step out of our apartment and head down the stairs. I instantly shiver as I leave the building, pulling the cardigan close and folding my arms. The restaurant doesn't seem that far, so walking should be easy.

Unlike in Tokyo, I'm familiar with the streets here, so I shouldn't have a problem walking in my neighborhood at six pm at night. Besides, it's only around the corner.

After a few minutes of walking and listening to the click of my heels, I round the corner and notice a few people standing outside of the restaurant. I instantly recognise Mayu, who seems to notice me at the same time I have, and she brightens considerably and waves in my direction.

I return the wave before my eyes flit over to the people who she's standing with. I don't notice who they are until I'm about a few steps away from them, taking note of Changbin, Felix, Seungmin, and Chan all giving me big grins.

My heart soars. I wasn't expecting them to actually show up, but it is really nice to see them all here. I chance a glance toward Chan to see his same boyish dimpled smile.

But I manage to arch a brow at Mayu, smirking slightly as I come to a stop in front of all of them.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting this," I say teasingly, giving all of them a look.

"I may or may not have mentioned our date and they wanted to come and crash it," Mayu tells me dramatically, stepping over to stand next to me and link our arms.

The boys' grins turn cheeky, and I smile behind my hand.

I notice Felix eye me for a moment before his gaze flies over to where I had come from. He gives me a calculated look. "Did you walk here?"

"Yeah, my apartment is only a few blocks away."

Felix frowns a bit, obviously unimpressed. Considering what had happened last time, I don't blame him for being concerned, but I've been walking these streets for years.

If Felix looked concerned, Chan looks agitated.

It takes me by surprise.

"You still shouldn't be walking at night. You should know this by now," Chan tells me, his tone harsher than I expected it to be.

I can't help but frown. "So, I'm going to pay for a one-minute taxi ride? No thanks."

I can see the way Chan's jaw tightens as his eyes flit across my face, drinking in the sight of me and the hard look in my eyes. He takes a moment, the air feeling tense, before all at once, Chan sighs, the fight leaving his body in an instant. "I just worry about you," he tells me, his voice lowered.

My annoyance instantly fades at the worried look he's giving me, his eyes shining with concern. I slowly offer him a smile and move to part from Mayu. I walk over to touch his shoulder.

"Thanks, Chan," I tell him earnestly.

His smile almost instantly returns, his ears reddening.

"You guys are so cute," Mayu suddenly cries quietly from behind me, and I turn around to give her a warning look, face flushing.

Maybe it's a good thing the others don't really understand us sometimes.

Seungmin then calls my name, giving me a bright smile with his hands in his jacket pockets. "Well, are you hungry?"

"Starving," I tell him.

We all file into the restaurant, Mayu and I gossiping to each other and catching up as we follow Changbin who manages to get a waiter to find us a table.

I find myself sitting next to Felix and Chan, Mayu continuing to tell me stories from across from me whilst the others start their own conversations. I can tell that they want to join in, but the language barrier makes that a little difficult.

"So, how's filming going?" I ask them, peeking up at them from above my menu.

"It's been great! We did a scavenger hunt in Kyoto," Felix chimes in. I notice that his eyes sparkle whenever he talks about something he enjoys.

"Oh! I've never been to Kyoto, but I heard it's really lovely," I supply.

"It is," Seungmin says. "Have you traveled before?"

"Not really," I tell them, running my fingers across the menu. "I've only ever been to Tokyo."

We continue the light chatter, the others helpfully translating for Changbin and me to have a conversation, which only makes him apologise for having a limited understanding of English. I assure him it's okay, confidentially letting him know that his English is better than my Korean.

The waiter then comes around to take our order, but I almost immediately notice the way she eyes the boys.

"Are you ready to order?" She asks in Japanese.

I nod. "Yes, we are," I begin, but she interrupts before I can continue.

"Are you... Stray Kids?" She asks the boys. Despite asking the question in Japanese, they seem to understand what she had said, and they all nod and greet her with a duck of their heads.

She flushes, her eyes widening. "Oh my, I'm a huge fan," she gushes.

Chan thanks her in her native language, which causes her blush to darken and for her to fan her face. She manages to get through it with dire effort and takes our order, bowing low before she's rushing away.

Once she's gone, Mayu turns to me. "I probably should've known that they'd gain attention," she tells me, a worried look gracing her features.

"It doesn't bother me," I reply.

I then turn when Felix says my name, and I'm surprised to also see him giving me a worried look. "Are you okay?"

"Yes? Why wouldn't I be?"

Chan and Felix share a look before Chan shifts in his chair. "About what happened a few days ago," he explains, "At the fan sign."

My heart stops. Right. How everyone on the internet is efurious or curious about me. How me simply interacting with them caused Twitter to blow up. I swear I've never seen my name next to so many insults before.

"I'm okay," I manage, and I find myself subconsciously playing with my hair. "It's no big deal."

It was a big deal. I was upset about it for days. I've never been more terrified than I was scrolling through my Twitter feed. But Nao was there for me. She's always been there for me. I had told myself that my name would disappear eventually and this whole thing will be buried under a new juicy scandal.

"Are you sure? We've seen... what people have been saying about you," Chan breathes out, eyebrows knitted together. He's sitting so close that I can see how brown his eyes are, how there is worry shining in them. Worry for me.

My lips quirk upwards as my eyes flicker across his expression. "Don't worry, Chan. I'm okay."

He doesn't look convinced, his own gaze analytical, but he manages a small smile and nods.

A moment later, a few girls shuffle toward our table, phones in their hands. They ask for a photo with them, and Mayu politely tells them that they could grab a photo outside of the restaurant to be respectful to those who are dining in.

They nod, and I watch as one girl has the courage to actually shoot Chan a wink, in which he grins bashfully and bows his head slightly.

They then quickly scurry away, squealing amongst each other. When I manage to catch Chan's eyes, I'm giving him a smirk with my eyebrow arched.

He goes red. "Don't tease me."

I giggle, patting his shoulder before conversations begin to brew up once more. It's only a few more moments of fun and relaxing conversation until our food comes.

Changbin takes it upon himself to be the one grilling the meat, taking the tongs and clicking them together. It's absolutely adorable when he does a little dance. I laugh a bit, which earns a proud smile from him.

Dinner is absolutely lovely.

Felix continues to tell me about Kyoto, Seungmin encourages Changbin to speak to me in English and he in return teaches me a few Korean phrases. Mayu continues to tease me in Japanese, causing me to whine and pout but it only makes her laugh even more.

At one point, I can't help but watch with wide eyes as Chan easily stuffs his face with big bites of meat and rice. He seems to catch me staring because he nearly chokes from laughing, instantly going red as he brings a hand to cover his mouth and grin around a mouthful of food. This only causes me to laugh, throwing my head back as Chan's own muffled laugher joins in.

It's great.

As Changbin throws in the last bit of meat onto the grill, my phone lights up on the tabletop. I glance over to notice a text message from Ryuu, which makes me smile. I quickly lean over to read the text whilst sipping on a spoonful of soup.

**ryuu  
** _pecha??? are you okay? what is this_

The text message is followed by a Twitter link, and my eyebrows must be furrowed because Felix says my name in question, causing me to look over and miss what was on the link preview.

"Hm?" I ask, pulling the spoon away.

"You just look worried about something," he says to me.

"Oh, do I? Sorry, it's fine." I switch my phone off.

Mayu then pulls me into a conversation he's having with Seungmin, and I forget about the text message for the rest of the night.

-

When we leave the restaurant after having a brief argument with Mayu that I can pay for my half only causing her to glare at me and assure me that she's got it covered rather aggressively (maybe being married for a year made Mayu a bit scary), I'm startled to a stop.

There's a small crowd of people outside, all with their phones out and all crying out the boys' name. A quick glance to my phone tells me it's nine in the evening, and yet there's still a crowd of people there waiting for them.

I catch Mayu curse under her breath, mumbling about needing a bodyguard before she gives the boys a nod after they had glanced toward her for permission. The boys then flash their award-winning smiles and greet the crowd, all bowing and saying their greeting in unison. The crowd goes wild, crying their names as their camera flashes toward them.

There are only about thirty people or so, but even that overwhelms me. Mayu pulls me to the side, informing me that this will only take a bit, so I nod and watch dumbly as all the boys get pulled into numerous photos.

After a few minutes of watching the boys interact with their fans, I notice a few girls glancing my way, pointing at me, and murmuring amongst themselves. I instantly freeze, my heart spiking as they cast me suspicious looks.

Oh shit.

Surely, they would think I'm staff, right? Mayu is staff and I'm with her, so it's safe to assume that I would be staff as well and not some girl that the boys had randomly met on the street in Tokyo.

Mayu seems to notice my discomfort and she instantly pulls me closer and links our arms together. "It's okay," she says softly, "They don't know who you are."

I nod numbly, swallowing slightly as I do my best to avoid their gaze.

Unfortunately, the meet and greet seems to be lasting a lot longer than Mayu would've liked because she frowns deeply and sighs under her breath. I watch in curiosity as she pulls out her phone and makes a call, speaking to the person on the other line in Korean.

When she hangs up, she subtly tells me that she's called someone to pick us up, and the word makes my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Us?"

Mayu drinks in my expression. "Yeah. Don't think we'll be leaving you here. That'll create problems for you, and we don't want that."

"Are you sure?" I mumble.

"Very. We _can't_ leave you here. They'll wonder why we did when you obviously had dinner with us."

I nod because it makes sense. It's only a few more moments of fiddling with my hair and watching the boys take a few more selfies before a black van pulls up on the curb outside the restaurant. A man climbs out and walks over to pull open the door, waving a hand and urging the boys to come inside.

Chan steps forward and informs the crowd that they must leave, causing them to protest and cry for them to stay for a little longer. Mayu takes my arm and we follow the boys inside the van once they all wave goodbye to the crowd.

Chan stays by the door, waiting for each of his members to enter before he does. He helps Mayu up by extending a hand, which she gladly accepts before he turns to me. He seems to grin wider as he also offers me his hand. I cast him a sheepish smile before I take it and step inside. Chan follows in after me.

The door behind us slides shut and the man climbs back into the driver's seat. I find myself seated in the middle seat beside Chan and Mayu as the other three make themselves comfortable at the back of the van. The van then drives off, leaving the crowd by the sidewalk.

"Are you okay?" Chan instantly asks me, "Sorry, I didn't expect that to happen." He's guilty, I notice, watching the way he rubs the back of his neck.

"You guys always seem to be asking if I'm okay," I joke, my nose wrinkling as I giggle. "I'm okay, really. You guys looked like you had fun."

"It's always fun meeting up with fans," Felix supplies from behind me, "But it's not fair to you. We were meant to be having dinner with you. We're so sorry."

"Don't be." I shake my head until I notice where the driver is taking us. "Oh, where are we going?"

Seungmin looks out the window and helpfully supplies, "I think we're heading back to our hotel."

A nervous laugh escapes my lips as I lean over toward Mayu. "Mayu, my apartment is in the opposite direction," I tell her anxiously.

"Oh!" She says, "I completely forgot." She looks like she's about to tell the driver something until she stops herself. She gives me a worried look. "I'm sorry, I don't think we can head back right now. Didn't you say your apartment is a few blocks from the restaurant?"

"Oh, you're right," I mumble, frowning deeply.

"Would you be comfortable staying at the hotel for a few minutes?" She asks me.

I bite the inside of my cheek. It would be easy if someone could pick me up from the hotel, but dad has a night shift and mum and Kevin don't know how to drive. Ryuu comes to mind, but I don't really want to disturb him.

Perhaps I can call a taxi when I arrive.

"If it's okay for me to," I tell her quietly.

Mayu nods and pats my shoulder and then turns to tell the boys the plan. They all nod and cast me encouraging smiles. It helps me relax a little.

Maybe the fact that people saw my face and began to feel suspicious of me shouldn't make me feel uneasy, but it does. My fingers twitch around my phone. I don't want to check it.

When we arrive, Chan helps Mayu and me out of the van like the gentleman he is and we all file out into the sidewalk. I watch as the others begin to enter the building, but I stay standing on the pavement. Changbin seems to notice me first, glancing back and calling my name curiously. This earns the attention of the others, and they turn back to face me fiddling with my hair.

"It's alright. I can call an Uber to take me home."

"We can drive you home," Chan insists.

"Not now," I utter. "They'll find out where I live if I come back in your van."

"She's right," Felix says, frowning. "It'll draw too much attention."

"You can come inside," Mayu is telling me as she steps forward and takes my hand. She's giving me a comforting smile. "Just for a bit."

I hesitate, biting my lip and looking down in thought. It's not like I'm not appreciative of them inviting me inside their hotel and keeping me safe, it's just I don't want to be a bother again. I don't feel comfortable being a burden for them once more. And even though they tell me it's fine, I still can't help but have the feeling deep down.

"I can walk you home."

My gaze snaps up to Chan, who's standing in front of me with a small dimpled smile, his head tilted. Even from here, I can see his ears going red.

"That's a far walk," Felix voices. He steps forward and gives Chan a reluctant look. "Are you sure?"

I blink as Chan shrugs, his hand cupping down onto Felix's shoulder. "It's only around twenty minutes, right? I don't mind."

Mayu's eyes narrow and she exchanges a few words with Chan. My heartbeat goes wild in my chest as I watch them, hugging myself as I shiver at the coldness.

As Chan, Changbin, and Mayu discuss the situation (which only makes me feel even worse), I look up to find Seungmin approaching me, a smile pulling on his lips. "It's really okay for you to come inside, you know," he tells me.

"I know. I just don't want to be a bother."

"You're our friend," he assures me. "You're never a bother."

I flush lightly. "Thanks, Seungmin."

His smile widens a little, and then he pulls out his phone. "Can I have your number?" He asks like it's the easiest thing in the world.

This only makes my cheeks darken even more, catching me off guard as his smile widens at my reaction. I nod nonetheless, and we exchange contact details. His smile is charming as he takes back his phone. "See? Now, we're really friends."

My eyes shine with mirth. "I guess we are."

I turn when I hear Mayu call my name, and she walks up to me to take my hands in hers. "Are you sure you won't come inside? It's not a problem at all."

"Thank you, Mayu," I say, "But I think I want to go home."

She nods. "I understand. Then, we've decided that Chan can walk you home since it'll gain less attention than a van."

I bring my gaze over to where Chan is smiling at me, and I shake my head. "Chan, you don't have to. I can get an Uber..."

Chan interrupts me with my name. "I'd feel better seeing you home," he tells me.

I pull away from Mayu to shove my hands into my cardigan pockets. My eyes find my shoes. "But then you'd have to walk back, and it'll be late."

"It's alright," says Chan. "A late-night walk will help me clear my head."

I manage to nod, my shoulders slumping in defeat. I assume that they all won't stop pestering me until I agree, so I offer a small smile. "Okay," I breathe out. "Thank you."

Chan is grinning now. We say goodbye to others as we part, Mayu pulling me into a tight hug and promising to stay in touch. The boys all wave goodbye, giving me sad expressions. My heart tightens at the sight like they're sad they probably might not see me again.

And it's scary because it's true.

I ponder for a moment, pursing my lips thoughtfully before I step toward Seungmin. He seems surprised at the action as I hold up my phone. "Could you please give the others my phone number, Seungmin?"

His eyes go wide, slightly taken aback. Then a small smile settles upon his lips and he nods. "We'll keep in touch."

I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. I step away and take in the group of boys in front of me, waving my hands. "I hope you guys will text me."

"We will," says Felix, and he has the biggest, dorky grin on his freckled cheeks.

I give them one last look, my smile turning sad. I'm going to miss them. Who knows when I'll see them next? Probably, never.

"Tell the others I said bye!"

They all nod in unison, and with one last bow and a wave of my hands, I turn to catch up with Chan, who's watching us with a fond expression. I rush over to stand behind him, and his soft gaze meets mine before he turns.

We start to walk away, and I'm afraid that if I turn around my heart would probably cry. So instead, I fold my arms close to my chest and suck in a shaky breath, tilting my chin up to take in the night sky.

I find myself looking up at Chan. His shoulders are broad and his brown hair looks soft. It feels odd to have him here — to have an idol walk me home. But it's endearing, and I find myself blushing. Because Chan is the sweetest person I've ever met.

Suddenly, he stops, and I nearly walk into his back. I step away and glance up to see him peer over his shoulder towards me. I can see his smile as clear as day.

"Stay close to me," he says easily as if those words aren't insanely attractive.

My face feels like it's on fire, and I manage a nod before I move to stand next to him.

Chan and I are walking close. Our shoulders brush as we walk down the street in silence, the only sounds being the rumble of the engines of the brief cars which pass by and the sound of our shoes tapping the pavement.

I can't help but flicker my eyes over to him. He's looking straight ahead, a peaceful expression on his features. My heart aches at the sight. He leaves in two days. Him and the others.

I look down, frowning a little. It makes me sad.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, Chan speaks up. "We're going back to Korea to work on our next upcoming album."

I blink up at him, and he briefly meets my gaze with a shy smile.

"Already?" I say. "But you just had a tour here. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Well," Chan laughs a little, scratching the back of his head. "I have a lot of things to work on."

I survey his expression as an unimpressed look crosses my face. "You have to rest too, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Chan nods shyly. "Thanks," he says, his eyes warm.

We walk for a moment more before my feet begin to feel sore. I wasn't expecting to go on a walk tonight, so I had thought heels were a good decision. But as my ankles ache and as the shoes pinch into my skin, I sigh. I catch Chan watching me as I slip my heels off and take them in one hand, wincing as my bare feet touch the cold cement.

Chan observes me, eyes inquisitive.

"Want to sit down?" He asks.

I look up at him. "Where?"

We both glance over to find a park nearby. How convenient.

Chan offers to take my heels, but I assure him that I can easily hold them himself. He only grins toothily at me as we make our way over toward the swing-set. The cold sand is nice underneath my feet as I collapse with a sigh on the swings.

Chan takes up the one beside me. The creak of the old metal is sort of relaxing.

We don't say anything for a while, only basking in the silence and the shine of the moon. It's peaceful and nice, and not as awkward as I thought it would be. It's hard to think of Chan as just an idol now — he's a person to me. He's human.

"Thanks, by the way."

I focus my gaze toward Chan, who's leaning forward and fiddling with the holes of his jeans with his hands.

I tilt my head. "For what?" I ask softly.

He meets my eyes, and his own brown ones stare into mine. "For being you, I guess?" He looks unsure, and he seems to be struggling with what he wants to say.

"Chan?"

Chan looks away to gather his thoughts. "That night at the hotel, my managers were worried you might leak something onto the internet," he tells me, matching the soft volume I had used before. "And in the morning, when we realised nothing about us had surfaced, I was happy."

I frown slightly, thinking back on that night. Back then, I was too frightened about what had happened to even think about boasting how I had sneaked into the same hotel as Stray Kids and talked with them personally. That thought didn't even grace my mind.

"I guess I had a feeling that I could trust you," Chan continues, shrugging. "Most people we come across usually ask for a photo."

I give him a look. "Chan, I was being stalked."

"I know," he huffs slightly. "But some people are like that."

My hands grasp the chains of the swing a little tighter as I take in his expression. He meets my gaze again, and my breath hitches when he smiles.

"I'm glad it was you that night," he tells me with the warmest expression I have ever seen him wear.

Even from the distance between the swing seats, I can see the sparkle in his eyes. I can feel the kindness and warmth radiating off of him that I can't help but flush under his kind gaze.

My heart pounds loudly in my ears, and I quickly look away before I could embarrass myself. I feel my stomach doing cartwheels. My face feels like it's on fire. I swallow the lump in my throat. This — this isn't good.

I hear him chuckle lightly, and I feel myself gripping the chains a bit more tighter. From the corner of my eyes, I see Chan begin to swing himself, the chains squeaking with his movement.

I wonder how he goes red by the smallest of things, but he says things like that without a problem. It does things to my heart and causes butterflies to erupt inside my stomach. The thought kind of scares me, and yet I can't stop myself from talking to him. From being here with him. It's bad, I know. This is going to end eventually.

But then Chan begins to point at the sky, and the brightness of it all illuminates the redness of his nose from the cold and brings out the brown of his eyes, and I really can't bring myself to dwell on it.

Surprisingly, we stay there in the park for a little longer. Chan is really easy to talk to and our conversations flow effortlessly as time goes on. We talk about a lot of things. He tells me about his home back in Australia and mentions his siblings. In reply, I tell him about Kevin and may have mentioned the secret crush he has on Hyunjin which only makes Chan laugh.

Somehow, we end up walking around the park and we manage to find ourselves sitting side by side at the bottom of the slide. We're sitting close that I can feel his warmth, but he's respectful enough to give me space. It's sweet.

"I probably shouldn't be doing this," Chan says after a lapse of silence falls upon us, and I peer over at him curiously.

"Doing what?"

He ponders over it for a moment before he meets my eyes again. "Do you want to maybe..." He smiles boyishly as he trails off. "Do you want to hear what I'm working on?"

My jaw drops slightly. "Are you sure?"

I watch as Chan takes in my expression before he grins. "I trust you."

It's a jolt to my heart.

He hands over one side of his earbud as he takes his phone out and fiddles with it for a moment, taking the other earbud for himself. I place the bud into my ear and hug my knees close to my chest, resting my head and smiling softly. The first few beats of the song that he's producing begin to play, and I find my smile widening every second.

I sit up and beam at him. "This is amazing!" I exclaim, bopping my head slightly to the beat.

Chan is blushing now, and he has the dorkiest grin on his face. "Really? It's not done yet. I still have to tweak things."

"Are you kidding? This isn't done yet?" I chortle. "This is awesome, Chan! You're so talented."

Even in the dark, under the dim light of the lampposts, I can see his face redden, and the bright smile he casts toward me is the reason why my heart skips a beat.

I lose track of how long we sit there in the park, but it's nice, and it's the most fun I've had in a while. I find Chan being really good company. The way his eyes sparkle and how he waves his hands around animatedly while he talks is insanely adorable.

I watch him sit on the seesaw by himself and wave at me with the cheekiest grin on his face, and I can't ignore the swelling of my heart.

It's nearly midnight by the time we make it to my apartment, and we're laughing and playfully shoving each other as we walk down the path. I've never felt so much joy before. Chan is sweet, caring, and kind and my blush feels as if it's trying to burn my skin every time he directs a smile toward me.

But I know this can't last.

We come to a stop outside of my apartment and it feels as if a bubble has burst. Chan is leaving in two days. Reality comes crashing down like a ton of bricks as I turn on my heel to face him, studying the way he shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and flashes me a crooked smile.

"This is you?" He takes in the apartment building.

"This is me," I mumble, brushing my hair out of my face. The evening breeze has managed to tussle my hair into a tangled mess.

An expression I couldn't quite catch briefly flickers over Chan's face as he bops his head.

Then silence.

It feels like forever as we stare at each other. My fingers twirl nervously around the locks of my hair as Chan ducks his head and kicks a pebble.

It hurts.

I wonder why I put myself through this when I know it'll just vanish without a trace. That I'll never get to experience Chan's warmth ever again.

My heart clenches in my chest as I let out another tired breath.

"Thank you, Chan."

He lifts his head. Something glosses over Chan's eyes as he takes me in. Something sad. But he still manages a smile as he huffs.

"Don't thank me."

"How could I not?" Suddenly, it's hard to keep eye contact. "You've done so much for me."

Chan doesn't say anything.

The silence is killing me. I can tell that there's so much that's being left unsaid that it frustrates me, but I can't get out the words that I want to tell him.

Stay, I think desperately.

It's impossible.

My hands are moving on their own as they reach up to tug the hair scarf from around my head. It's a simple red cloth that I've had ever since I could remember. I run my fingers down the material and glance up to meet Chan's gaze. When I notice the sullen look he's trying his hardest to hide, I manage a soft smile.

With all the courage I can muster, I reach over to take Chan's hand and place the red scarf into his hand. His gaze turns questioning, but they're shining with curiosity as his fingers wrap around the material.

"I want you to have this," I tell him, voice barely above a whisper.

He gives me a dazed look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I use my hands to close his hand around it. "Please."

We're standing close enough that I can make out Chan's expression even in the dim shine of the street lights. There's a smile on his face, a smile that turns sad as his hand squeezes around the bandana.

"I'll text you."

I nod, humming in acknowledgment.

"I'll call you."

I nod again.

My name is heavenly on his lips, and then he's pulling me into a tight hug. My arms shake slightly as I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my face into his neck. My breath quivers.

"Bye."

It hurts, it hurts so much. Chan's been nothing but kind to me. Nothing but all smiles and laughs. Nothing but a ray of sun that manages to blind me from the hurt that has eventually dawned onto me. Onto both of us.

I've been _stupid_. What was I thinking? He — all of them are Korean idols. All of them are signed under a million-dollar agency. They are always seen by the public, they are always watched, something is always expected of them.

And me?

I'm just a person.

A person living happily with her family in the city of Osaka. Nothing more, nothing less.

And Chan is... Chan is amazing. I know that the whole world knows that. Knows him. Of course, the world knows him, he's Bang Chan.

The world doesn't know me.

It's been lovely getting to know Chan and the others. Lovely seeing them all interact and laugh. Lovely being invited and involved in their conversations despite the language barrier.

But he — Mayu, all of them, will eventually forget I exist.

I was just a fan. A fan they happened to meet. And that's all.

And the way Chan tightens his hold around the back of my head, only makes it hurt even more.

It feels like an eternity by the time I lean away from him. He squeezes me tight before letting me go, a shaky smile on my lips as I look up at him.

And the view is painful. Because Chan looks sad too. He's sad because I... No, I don't want to think of why. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want my heart to become more broken than it is.

But Chan's face still crumples.

I realise that my hands are trembling when I wave at him. His hands linger, drag across mine as I pull away. I don't turn my back towards him as I approach the door of the building.

My hands travel behind my back as I touch the handle of the glass door. There, Chan stands alone in the middle of the pathway, still managing to give me one last breathtaking smile. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah."

I turn away and enter the building, the last image of Chan standing outside my apartment with a sad, handsome smile will forever be burned into my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u guys sm for the support so far! you guys are the loveliest people ever :D
> 
> if u want any updates or facts about this fic, you can come follow my wattpad if u want! i update on my board almost every day so u can come and check out how the fic is going through that. :)) 
> 
> i just started uni as well so if i miss a week, im sorry! but i'll always try my best to update every wednesday! 
> 
> dont forget as well, the wattpad ver of this is two chapters ahead, so if u wanna read the next two chapters, u can come check it out! <3 <3
> 
> tysm guys ily all!!!!!


	6. delivered

The next morning I'm rudely awakened by the sound of my bedroom door slamming open. It hurts, and I’m groaning from being pulled from my sleep, groggily turning my face to press against my pillow, and hiding the tear streaks under my tired, red sunken eyes from the person who has entered my room. But the person is exclaiming my name, tone hard that I realise that I won’t be getting any more sleep.

Reluctantly, I manage to slowly sit up, rubbing the heel of my hand into my eye, feeling startled and confused. When I finally will my eyes to crack open, the person standing in my room surprises me.

"Ryuu?"

"Pecha," he says breathlessly, moving over to pull me into a hug. "Are you kidding? Why haven't you been responding to my messages?"

Ryuu and I go way back. We've been friends ever since we were children and we've been joined at the hip ever since. The familiar nickname brings back good memories as I pat his back. Let's just say I enjoyed Pokemon way too much when I was younger, and the nickname just stuck.

"What's wrong, Ryuu?" I ask, blinking the sleep from my eyes and suppressing a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning," he supplies, leaning away and holding me arms width by my shoulders.

Ryuu is sitting across from me, his brown cat-like eyes shining with worry despite his attempts at trying to remain passive. His hair is a little short, having played baseball for years and having to cut it every season. But it's a little longer these days, and I think it's a nice look for him. He has tan skin and broad shoulders. I sometimes wonder where the little boy with the missing tooth and long, shoulder length hair went.

Upon hearing the time, I scrunch my nose. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ryuu doesn't look offended. He's had to deal with my morning attitude for years. But something concerned flashes in his eyes as he takes me in, scanning me for a moment, lips tightened in a straight line. I wince. Ryuu is a very perspective person, so of course he'd notice my slumped shoulders and red eyes, no matter how hard I'd try to hide them.

But I haven’t seen Ryuu look so worried about me like this in a long time. Last time I remember seeing him look at me like this was when I broke my leg when I was fourteen. The expression on his face makes me tense up a bit, confusion beginning to settle over me. What’s gotten him so shaken? He hardly looks at me this way.

Ryuu takes a moment to respond, eyebrows slightly pinched, thinking thoughtfully before he says, "I'm here because of this." He sits down on my bed, next to me on top of my covers before he’s offering me his phone.

I rub my eyes a little more when I take his phone, blinking to adjust to the screen.

And then, out of the blue, my jaw drops when I see my face.

My face leaning in a bit too close to another familiar face.

It's a photo of me and Chan at the restaurant, smiling at each other.

My face bursts into flames.

Ryuu works his jaw, thinking hard. "This is you," he states, slowly, his eyes flitting across my expression, surveying my reaction. "With Stray Kids."

I slowly look away, everything dawning upon me. Someone must have taken this photo during dinner. Probably one of those girls that had approached us.

Someone took a photo of me and _Chan_. Smiling. At each other.

It brings back so many memories from last night. From all the times I've spent with him. With them.

I slowly cover my face with my hands.

Ryuu is frowning now, studying me with concern. "Pecha, I don't know what's happening, but there are a lot of people talking about you right now."

"Oh my, gosh." I breathe shakily, and suddenly I’m fighting back the tears threatening to surface once more, feeling entirely overwhelmed.

Ryuu leans closer and allows his fingers to run through the ends of my hair as my shoulders shake. "It’s okay, you’re okay. Just... Just tell me what's going on,” he softly says.

I find myself shaking my head, my mind bringing up memory after memory as I sit there and slowly process what’s happening. "There's no point," I manage to croak out around a lump in my throat, my eyes glassy. "There's no point, Ryuu. He's… He's gone."

Ryuu eyes me firmly. “Christopher?"

I only nod, fighting back tears. This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm crying. It's just overwhelming to see myself like that. To see myself smiling with Chan. To see _him_ smiling. _At me_.

The worst part is that the whole world can see it now too, and it terrifies me. I can only image the number of notifications that are probably blowing up my phone, because my face is out there now. It’s not just a name anymore, not just _my_ name, but it’s my face. My identity.

People know who I am. People know my name. I'm that girl at the fan sign, I'm that girl who Chan was calling in a crowd of fans, I'm the girl who ate dinner with them and laughed with them.

Suddenly, this is too much.

Chan springs to mind again, abrupt and sudden. Is this going to affect him? What about the others? Are they going to get in trouble for being too careless? No, that's unfair. It was _me_ who was being careless. They were only trying to help me. It's my fault for getting attached too soon, for getting attached too quickly.

As much as this image would have a massive affect on me, I can only imagine what it must be like for them. What their company would do to them for being seen with a fan at dinner.

It only makes the tears slip, and it's _embarrassing_.

Ryuu remains quiet. He's not judging me, he's not mad at me, and he's not forcing me to talk. He's comforting me — he's worried, even with his calm and collective demeanour.

It's hard to speak now, my fingers reaching up to wipe the tears away. They’re trickling down my cheeks, but there's no noise. It's silent.

I try to control my unstable breathing, inhaling and exhaling as deeply as I can. I absentmindedly feel Ryuu’s hand on my back, rubbing circles, but I’m only thinking about Chan, Chan, _Chan_.

_He looks down at me, and even behind the mask I can see that he's smiling. "You're safe now. Don't be scared anymore. We got you."_

_"I worry about all my friends," he easily tells me like it's the most obvious thing in the world._

_"You're—" He struggles on what to say, sounding a little breathless, and it's a little endearing that I've managed to catch him off guard just from standing here. "What are you doing here?"_

_"I'm glad it was you that night," he tells me with the warmest expression I have ever seen him wear._

_I watch as he takes in my expression before he grins._

_"I trust you."_

My heart wrenches horribly in my chest, climbing higher and higher up into my throat, and I’m suddenly worried that I might vomit up my heart right into my hands. Because I’ve never felt this way before. Because all of this _hurts_. Oh, god does it hurt.

Chan is gone. Chan is leaving. I’m never going to see him again. And seeing this picture, seeing the way both our eyes are shining and the genuine happiness in our smiles, it does nothing but tear me apart inside.

The feeling of Chan’s arms around me, the material of his hoodie pressed against me, the sound of his laugh ringing in my ears, the nervousness and shyness of his expression as he scribbles down his number — I’ll never get to have that ever again.

But what’s worse is that now the world knows about me. They know what I look like, they know what my name is, they know I have some sort of connection to Chan and SKZ, and it terrifies me to the core.

I’m not some idol, I’m not some actress, I’m not someone famous or someone special or someone to care about, I’m just a girl. A girl in Japan. And yet for some awful, cruel reason, the universe has decided to throw me into the deep end and expose me onto the internet for eating dinner with my—

With my friends.

They’re my _friends_.

And apparently, that’s a crime.

I cry harder into my hands.

"I think you should avoid social media for now," Ryuu tells me with his low and soothing voice.

I nod helplessly, because what else can I do?

I feel terrible.

I think I can hear Ryuu tell me to come outside and eat but his voice sounds so far away and so distant that it feels like I'm suddenly underwater. Apparently, Kevin is cooking breakfast in the kitchen for us and mum, but I can barely process what Ryuu is even saying, my mind reeling and my pulse rushing so fast I can hardly think.

But I do manage to nod again, and I stand up and head for the bathroom to freshen myself up. Ryuu leaves me to it.

When I pad into the bathroom, I can’t help but notice the sad girl in the mirror. Her lips are quivering and she's reaching up to wipe away her tears with the front of her wrist. And as I watch her look at me with those sad, round eyes, I recognise that the girl in the mirror should have been more careful.

But what was I supposed to do? Kevin had bought me tickets. I was overjoyed, ecstatic, and excited to see them again. After all, aren't I friends with them? Not a group of idols, but a group of boys who were kind of enough to keep me safe, to treat me to breakfast, to invite me out for dinner. Can't I go and see my friends?

Why is it so wrong to do that? Why can't I be friends with them? Why does the world have to treat me like an enemy now?

I lock the bathroom door. Ryuu had told me to stay away from social media, but I need to see. I need to see what's happening

It’s absolutely awful.  
  


_who the HELL does this bitch think she is????? who is SHE. why HER_

_them: oh she's a staff member, there's nothing going on between them_

_her: literally screaming with jisung at a FAN SIGN EVENT_

_LOOK AT CHAN! LOOK AT HIM!!!! IM SO JEALOUS UGHHH_

_nooooo, channie... i thought we were your baby stays.. why did u leave us_

_its so annoying because she's goddamn PRETTY_

_lol no she's not. chan deserves better_

_i don't want to be this person, but this is dumb. surely chan would be smart enough to know he CANT DO THIS_

_chan is capable of making his own decisions. those who r saying he's doing something wrong are DISGUSTING. he deserves to be happy. get over yourselves._

_CHAN IS AN ADULT. STOP DECIDING THINGS FOR HIM._

_UM HELLO??? BANG CHAN IS AN IDOL AND SHOULDNT BE DATING A FAN GUYS R U KIDDING ME_

_CHAN DESERVES TO BE HAPPY AND IF U R THROWING A TANTRUM FOR HIM FINDING SOMEONE THEN GIRL CHECK URSELF_

_i love chan but stop defending him. he's an idol. he's the last person i ever would have thought would be in a scandal_

_if u r calling a picture of chan smiling at a girl a scandal then WHAT is wrong with u_

_JUST LOOK AT HIS SMILE AWWW_

_chan i feel betrayed_

_i'm so jealous CHAN PLS DONT DO THIS_   
  


Almost all of them have tagged my account.

I feel like throwing up.

With shaky hands and glassy eyes, I frantically turn off all notifications from the social media apps on my phone and switch it off.

They found me, they found my account. How? _Why_?

I don't understand all of this and I suddenly start to feel sick. This is all so sudden. I thought after experiencing this before, I would be okay, but it isn't. I’m not okay. Because they know what I look like. They know who I am. My mind is fuzzy, my heart wrenches in my chest, I start to feel a bit dizzy, and— Kevin's eggs smell amazing

It’s now that I realise just how hungry I am.

I take a deep breath, managing to lean over and wash my face and leave the girl in the mirror, exiting the bathroom without another look. I pass my room to slip on a hoodie and head to the kitchen to find Kevin, Ryuu and mum sitting at the table.

Ryuu pulls out the chair next to him when I approach, never looking away from where he's eyeing the bowl of rice in front of him, munching on some natto, and I wordlessly sit myself down.

Ryuu doesn't need to look at me, doesn't need to smile at me because the gesture is enough. Because I've known him for so long that I know he's saying _it's okay_.

I watch the clouds of steam above my own bowl of rice dissipate into the air, but I make no move to grab a pair of chopsticks.

"Eat, honey," I hear mum gently coax from across from me.

I look up and she's smiling, the aged lines on her face crinkling as she does. She looks tried, like always, but her eyes are soft and gentle and comforting, and I nod, squeezing my hands into fists when I feel the tears begin to spring back into my eyes.

I eat, and eat, and eat and hope to god that the boys are okay. That _Chan_ is okay. I'm lucky to have such a supportive family here with me, but Chan is in Japan. He can't see his family. It aches my heart to think he hardly ever does.

I'm sad. Sad for him. The things that those faceless people on the internet had said about me hurt, sure, but they're insulting Chan too. They love him as much as I do but they're _insulting_ him. Because of me.

It only makes the tears spill onto my lips, tasting salt with the eggs, rice and natto Kevin had made for me.

-

I find out that the boys have blocked my number.

I realise that the messages don't deliver whenever I gather up the courage to text them, and whenever I would try to ring them, it’ll just come up with a dead end, and wow, does it hurt. I can’t help myself from thinking back to them all smiling, laughing, talking with me and yet they’ve blocked my number from each of their phones. Even Chan.

And it kills me inside. I cry about it for hours and hours because there’s just no way. These boys would never do something like this to me, because I know how they’re like, because I saw how lovely they treated me. Which leaves me to come to the conclusion that they were forced to.

It doesn’t surprise me. The company probably saw the photo of Chan and I and immediately took action, enforcing each and every one of the boys to remove me from their contacts. I know it’s none of their faults and I know I can’t blame them, but my heart stills burns and it’s painful to even think about it.

They've blocked me, they don't text me, and it's probably because they can't.

Mayu, however, does.

It's almost two weeks later when they are all back in Korea when Mayu finally tells me about them. She's been texting me about other things since then, about how I am, about how her husband annoys her sometimes (she’s married!!!), but it's a relief when she finally brings them up.

"They are okay," she tells me. We've been calling almost every day since I last saw her, and her soothing and kind voice always makes me smile. "They just... Their manager got upset."

I freeze when she brings them up. Whenever I had tried to ask her about SKZ before, she had always just assured me not to worry about it, and now, hearing her tell me about them, it surprises me. It's a relief, but it also makes my shoulders tense up. "I thought so," I mumble. I'm in my room, at my desk, spinning on my desk chair.

Mayu hums. "I probably should have known better," she's saying, quietly. "He told the boys not to get close to you."

"He did?" I croak out, my lips quivering.

"Yeah. This was before the fan sign though," she explains softly. There's a rustle of paper heard. "When he saw you with them again, he grew concerned instead of angry."

I whimper. "He was angry?"

Mayu must have noticed the shakiness of my voice because she backtracks. "Not angry, just... He didn't want the boys to get hurt, especially when he realised they were growing attached to you."

My face flushes, and I sink further into my chair.

"He knew what the media would do. He knew they'd find something. He didn't want to hurt you either."

I remember the man bowing at me at the train station and the kindness of his face.

"And then the photo happened. I probably should have known that something would happen at the restaurant. I was being careless, and I'm sorry."

My breath catches in my throat. "Don't apologise, Mayu," I say honestly, and I'm tracing random shapes onto the skin of my knee to busy my hands. "You did nothing wrong."

"But I _did_ ," she sighs. "I should have been more careful with them. But I grew attached to you too. I like you."

My face is colouring again, but there's a smile pulling at my lips. "Aw, Mayu," I huff out quietly.

She laughs a little, and I can picture her shaking her head. "I'm still sorry," she continues, the lightness of her tone dropping slightly. "I know you said that you're okay, but people are _still_ talking about you."

I bite the inside of my cheek, thoughtful, because Mayu is right. She's always right. People are still talking about me, two weeks after the whole ordeal. And what's even worse is that they are finding photos of me on the internet, somewhere, and reposting those photos. Some are old selfies I took years ago, and some are of me taken by Kevin that I posted on my IG, meaning someone I had allowed to follow me on my _private_ profile reposted them online.

It had terrified me, and Kevin, despite his cute mannerisms and star-eyed nature, had sternly told me to block every except for him, Ryuu, and a few close family and friends. So I did, and he smiled. It made me feel a bit better.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Mayu simply says, "Chan is worried, you know."

My heart stutters, my hand tightens around my phone.

_Chan_.

Mayu carries on when I stay silent, my breath heavy and bated.

"He asks me about you occasionally. He knows we still talk. He’s always asking me if you're doing well, if you've been eating," Mayu huffs a short laugh. "It's cute. You kids will be the death of me."

"You're only thirty-one," I mumble. I haven't noticed my hand is clutching a tight fistful of my sweatpants.

I can hear her faint smile as she speaks, sounding distant, lost in thought. "Usually that boy is working. He works a lot, you know. When we'd walk past each other in the hallway, he would politely greet me then continue on, his laptop in his hand. But he stops to speak to me now, asking how I am and things like that. And," she says my name, short and sweet, "Chan makes the effort to bring you up. He's worried."

It surprises me. I hear my heartbeat drumming loud in my ears, my face feeling like its being lit on fire just from the thought of Chan's smile and the memory of him adorably tilting his head. He thinks about me. He still remembers me. And he's _asking how I am_.

My mind reels, cheeks hot.

_I miss him,_ I find myself thinking desperately, my knuckles white by how hard I'm squeezing my phone.

But then why... why—

"He wants to text you," Mayu says, reading me like an open book, even through the phone. "But he can't. They all can't. We're _all_ worried about you, but the boys can't message you. They were forced to block your number."

"Why?" I breathe out, so silently that I'm pretty sure Mayu nearly misses it.

"Their manager doesn't want you or the boys to get hurt," she explains, voice soft. "He wants to keep you safe."

I suddenly see red. How _stupid_. I can’t stop myself before the dam breaks. Tears spill from my eyes, hot, frustrated tears as I claw a hand into my sweatpants. "But Mayu," I choke. "It already hurts. I say I'm fine but I'm not. I'm sorry, but it's all too much. People are... People are threatening me. They're threatening Chan! I— Why? I just don't understand."

I'm sobbing by now. I hate hearing myself cry but I really can't help it. It’s all too much and all too confusing and suddenly, I just want to sleep, feeling extremely exhausted. I try to stifle my sobs by grabbing a pillow and throwing my face into it. It only makes it harder to breathe.

My name is sweet on Mayu's lips, and it makes me feel a bit better. "They are trying everything they can. The company is doing their best to handle the situation, but it's best to stay in the down low for now."

"But I can't..." My bottom lip quivers, and I sink my top teeth down in attempt to stop it. I try to breathe, inhaling and exhaling for a few moments. I do my best to gather up the courage to timidly ask, "Is he okay?"

"He's okay," comes Mayu's reply. It eases the tension from my shoulders a little. "Just a bit stressed, but he doesn't let the comments get to him. Chan and the boys have been receiving threats for a long time now. All idols have."

"But he's gaining more threats because of me," I whisper, voice cracking and raw. "I don't want that. I'm fine with me, I can handle that, but it hurts when they insult him."

"Hey... You know he feels the exact same, right?"

I pause, taken by surprise for a moment. I lift my head from my pillow, eyebrows furrowing, confused. "Huh?"

Mayu guffaws, seeming more surprise than me. "Of course, he's worried about you. You think he doesn't see what people are saying about _you_?"

"I..."

"I'll talk to him."

"What? Wait, I'm not sure—"

"I'll talk to their manager and see what I can do. He can't stop them from messaging you forever."

My mind fizzles out for a moment. "Mayu," I mumble, my eyes shiny and glossy with tears.

She's smiling. I hear it. "Don't worry your pretty little head," she tells me, and another sob escapes me because Mayu is so _nice_. "I'll sort this out, okay? I'm sure Chan would love to talk to you again."

I nod, feeling breathless. "You're amazing, Mayu," I can't help but say, sniffing.

Mayu only laughs, thanks me bashfully, and hangs up.

This one single phone call manages to make me feel better than I have for the past two weeks.

-

It's on a Saturday evening when the boys go live. I had just gotten home from visiting Ryuu's house when I get the notification. Ryuu has been hanging out with me a lot more often than he had before, and it makes me happy to know he's looking out for me.

It says that the boys are live for a small fan meeting to catch up and connect more to their fans. It's sweet, I think, but it pains my heart to see them all so... happy. Not like that, of course they all deserve to be happy, it’s just that looking like they're fine and well makes me wonder if they remember me at all.

Like they've forgotten about me.

Mayu's phone call was earlier this week, so not too long ago, but it still makes me curl into myself when I watch them laugh and smile at one another.

I play the live onto my laptop, gathering sheets and pillows and making myself comfortable in bed. They had just gone live when I manage to get comfortable, pulling the sheet up to my nose and finally paying attention.

Despite the longing in my heart, I smile. They alllook happy and healthy and it makes me glad to see them so. They're all sitting at a table at the company building, most of the boys in hoodies and caps. But I don't pay attention to that, no, because my eyes instantly zone in on one man in particular.

Chan is sitting at the head of the table. He's speaking, gesturing to the camera, and clapping his hands all tiny like I've seen him do multiple times before. My heart picks up its pace at the sight of him. His pretty eye smile and bright expression is enough to make me swoon, and my pulse rushes fast and quick at the way he’s grinning into the camera. But then suddenly, all at once, my jaw unhinges when my eyes flit down to where he's clapping his hands together to find something very, _very_ familiar.

Chan is just sitting there, smiling and talking, though I can't actually understand what he's saying, his honeyed voice suddenly sounding distant to my ears. He looks so calm and collected, speaking to the camera as if nothing is wrong. But right there, right next to his bracelets, wounded tightly around his wrist is a _very_ familiar bright red bandana, looking so out of place with his black ensemble, it's almost laughable.

It's my ribbon — the bandana I had used almost every day. And Chan is just there, smiling, looking so goddamn attractive with it wrapped around his wrist as if it's _normal_ , as if it's not there ruining his entire outfit.

I can't help but scream into my hands.

Chan is wearing the ribbon I had given him, right there during a live. As if he's saying something, as if to let me know that he still remembers me. My eyes are wide as I watch him because it's a _sign_ , a sign to let me know something. A sign that says _I won't forget about you_.

And it hurts my heart. It does nothing but hurt my heart, dammit. I nearly tear up, my lips slowly pulling into a watery smile because it's _so_ sweet.

Chan will never cease to surprise me, and it makes me blush all over. It may be just a silly accessory for others, for the thousands of other people who are also watching the live, but Chan is reaching out to me. I can see the way he's looking into the camera. I can see the hope shimmering in his eyes, and it makes me bark out a laugh in disbelief.

He's such a _dork_.

And I can't resist any longer. I can't. I can't stop myself from fumbling out my phone and opening my messages and praying, hoping that if I send him a text, it'll go through.

And my face is so red, my mind making me a little dizzy that I type too quick and too fast before I can even think of what to say to him. But my fingers are already flying across the screen for me to think about it before I hit send.

**_me_ **   
_i hate you christopher_

_ delivered. _

I watch the live, eyes wide, as Chan pulls out his phone and checks it.

My crooked smile widens and I huff out an amused laugh when I watch the wat Chan goes absolutely _red_.


End file.
